Swimming upstream...PH #7

[pearlharbr]

I'm thinking this will be the "let's end things" speech.

I know I shouldn't have expectations but that's just where my mind jumps. Because if he wanted to show me that he can be the man and partner I want and need he would do something, not want to talk.

Thought I was doing pretty well tonight since it's bowling league and was going to drive myself crazy wondering. Instead I went over to my GF's house for dinner and had a great evening talking with GF and her H about things not pertaining to my sitch!

I'm not really scared of being on my own. I'm scared of the finality of the end of this life and the pressure to find a job and move and start the next chapter. We've put a clause into the separation settlement that states whoever resides in the house two months after the R ends will assume responsibility for the mortgage payments and bills. Which basically means I'm out and he's back in because there's no way I can afford it. So having a hard deadline looming is probably the motivator I need but it's also very daunting. And when I get completely overwhelmed I freeze up. Which makes everything even more overwhelming. It's a vicious cycle.