A friend of mine just lowered a boom on me. My children are very upset about this whole situation. This is not the first time that we have had a man leave because he was unhappy. I believe I attract people who I feel like I can fix and eventually it comes to pass that it was never something that I was responsible to try to fix and inevitably can't fix and they leave. My oldest son is so angry. He told me tonight that he was so mad that he was unable to protect me and his sisters from my husband hurting us. I am so sad that he feels this way. I tried to tell him that it wasn't his responsibility to protect me that I was supposed to protect him and his sisters from hurt. My oldest daughter has a father in her life so this is just sort of a blip for her. She really doesn't want him back because he has been so hard to live with lately. My youngest little girl adored this man even when he yelled at her. She has always wanted a daddy and he had said he was going to adopt her. The man previous to her that I did not marry had said the same thing and he left. My children have been through so much and my friend has pointed out that I am being selfish in wanting to reconcile with my husband because it is not in the best interest of my children. I honestly just want back my happy family. I guess I am finally realizing that that isn't going to happen. My husband has told me that he knows that right now he does not want to be a dad. He says he can't say that about forever, but he knows that he doesn't want this right now. I guess I should finally listen to what he says and how he feels because I haven't done that so well throughout our relationship.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
