Thanks JonF;
The marriage has been difficult in some respects. i have felt alienated a lot of the time; he has been very involved over the last ten years with his two girls from his previous relationship and his ex-wife; often having dinner in her house once a week and staying there over the years when she is away.
About 4-5 years ago I met someone who lives in London. There was never anything physical in this relationship (at his insistence) but I became emotionally attached. I felt alone and he gave me the attention that I, at the time, was looking for. I told my H about this; I was honest as I was confused; I certainly didnt want to lose my marriage. He told me that I needed to decide. And I chose my marriage. It has taken me a few years to really come to terms with how much I want this; and committing fully to my marriage.
I asked him last year about going into counselling; we went to one session and he never went back again.
Yes, over the last few years I have been away a lot. But it has always been with his blessing. I spoke to my H very seriously about taking on the PHD in London and he has supported me all the way.I was away approx. 2 days a week in term time.I do think that he felt alone and i think that he felt that our daughter was neglected by me and me being away has damaged her (I see no damage of any sort; we have a wonderful relationship). But my H has supported me in it all and had certainly never made the extent of his unhappiness clear until he left.
It has now got to the stage, especially after the Protection Order, where he wants nothing to do with me. He has told me that he does not want to be in the same space as me etc.He has said over the last few months that I have treated him like a doormat for five years and he is not going to put up with it any longer.He has erased me from his conscious. When I was in hospital he was showing concern, care, kissing me on the mouth, hugging me, stroking my face but all the while going back to the OW. When I found this out I was so hurt.
I have changed my life around since the beginning of January. I have given up all my travel, the PHD,I have based myself in the house and will be reurning to my old job in September. I have given my H everything taht he has always asked for. He acknowledges taht there has been radical change but it is too little, too late. I am devoting myself to our daughter and, at the moment, I have primary care.
My H is going through a very rough time with his company. Just before Xmas he was told that the funding that supports his company (he has already lost it once before, when his first marriage broke up and he went into a two-year depression) had been dramatically reduced and he will now be in danger of losing it within the year. His sister is also dying (she is on oxygen 20 hours a day) and a son from a relationship that he had had when he was 20, is bi-polar schizophrenic and a drug addict.
It is like I have been on a journey for the last few years and I have come full circle to find that he has left n his own journey. The signs of a MLC are there, new mobile phone when he has never used one before, boxer shorts, snoring spray. He has refused to tell me where he has been staying over the last few months but I know it is with the OW.
I love him, I love our D, I want my marriage back. I have put action at the front of my intentions, not just words. I am committed to living the life with my D that we had set out to do, out of honour for my H, but he does no want to be a part of it. Thanks so much for your time. Any one else out there, your feedback is very much appreciated