Meli, You do have to set boundaries for your H; don't be the welcome mat that he can walk all over without any concerns. You are being too nice to him, IMO. He is an adult and a father. He has responsibilities, even though he is pretending that he doesn't right now. There are consequences for his actions, and right now you are shielding him from those consequences.
I think your sitch is a little different from the run-of-the-mill MLC and EA story given that he doesn't have the freedom to come and go as he pleases (the license and automobile problem), but that condition is also a consequence of his actions. You have to walk a fine line between ensuring that the needs of your kids are met, and that he feels the majority of the effects of his own actions.
As far as the food situation with the kids goes, when you round them up and take them over to visit, I would just pack them a lunch or a snack to take with them. That way, at least they will have something to eat if your H continues to be negligent in having food for them. I would also cut back on the number of times that you take the kids over to see him, because it doesn't sound like he is getting much out of having them there, and he certainly isn't taking care of them the way he should. The only people that are likely gaining much benefit is the kids, so I would cut them visits back to a frequency that the kids are ok with.
As far as the texting/e-mails goes, there is really nothing that you can do about that. You can set boundaries, though, and tell him that you think that it is inappropriate and inattentive of him to be on the computer all the time when the kids are there. You may even tell him that if he continues to ignore the kids when you bring them over that you will bring them over less often.
Loving detachment is the key.
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
