ppenton...You have the right attitude, and I know you will end up a happier person than you ever thought you were before after all this, no matter which way it turns out. Have a great Easter!
LG - More on turning around my depression and depressed thoughts...
Some very tragic things have happened to me in my life, and over time, they brought to my attention how very precious and joyous life is. I know that sounds like the opposite of what should happen. Tragic things should have added to my depression. In the short term, they did, of course. But in the long run, I found that I can't afford to lose any time, because we all die, those closest to us and we ourselves, all have to go. When I was faced with several deaths of people close to me and then several other tragic events all happened at around the same time, I had to just find that space in my heart that knows that I am *good* with all my people. In case any of them go tomorrow or I do, I have to be able to know for sure that I am on good terms with them and they have heard recently that I love them.
Just one of the tragic deaths as an example, I had a close girlfriend die when we were both aged 23, and the last time I had spoken to her we had a fight and ended on very bad terms. All I could do at her funeral was regret that phone call and whatever the fight had been about, and wish to God I could do just that one call over and tell her instead how I loved her and how much she meant to me.
After this experience, I was changed forever. Then all the other deaths and tragedies happened, and I became even more sure of my position that I must make ammends with everyone and stay on good terms...or face that possibility that I will never get another chance to say it due to some tragedy.
This process took several years to complete its overall change in me, and during that time I read lots of books on death and overcoming grief.
Those books are actually a good read for anyone, because we all need to be prepared that tragedy could come along and be prepared in your heart for it.
After asimilating this new way of thinking, my depression did not go away, but I began to be less tolerant of it. I began to not want to waste time on sad thoughts and wanted instead to cultivate love and compassion and togetherness with my loved ones. It took time though as there was still lots of mental work for me to do, but I think the understanding that your closest loved one can be snatched away from you at any time is very important to have and keep close to your heart. Because as you begin to focus on and desire to keep your people close to your heart, it helps you heal your depression, because those people will respond to your efforts with love and that spreads back to you in a new way.
So I'd call this understanding of our mortality the step 2 of my own process.
And I know people can achieve this without going through all the deaths and stuff that I did....just one tragedy or death at least has happened to all of us (or will in the future)...so we can all relate to it even without an excess of it in your life.
