Dropping the rope

[glamgirl]

Peace how are you doing? You are in a difficult situation. Your h seems to like the friendship thing and does well with it, but it may not be for you right now. You need to do what helps you heal.

When I think of your sitch, praying the hedge of thorns prayer comes to mind. I would pray that prayer many times throughout the day for my h at least 6 months and then one day he moved closer to home. I had no idea if he was living with the ow at that time, but was pretty sure if he was he wasn't anymore with his move closer to home.

You are a reminder to me that I need to continue praying for my h and see what God can do for him. I haven't been praying nearly as much as I used to.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

[kjensen]

Peace,
There is a book my therapist highly recommended, that I haven't read yet, but its about forgiving and moving on, or deciding not to forgive and moving on. It's called "How Can I Forgive You? The courage to forgive, the Freedom not to" by Janis Spring.
You are further down the road from me but I imagine at some point the letting go process means deciding to forgive or not, making a conscious decision and moving forward, past the pain.
I feel for you. You are a strong woman. Your children are lucky to have you as their mother, their ballast.

[peacetoday]

K
its funny you brought up forgiveness
Ive been thinking about that a lot
I know it is my next move in this MLC world

H and I are working together as my brother is out of town
so there has been contact plus I choose to reopen the door a drop b/c I cant take the chance H will not show up for work
It is Crazy but
H seems more stable when I talk to him ( when I am not dim)
so I have this dilemma
any advice appresiated
1) allow for a alight friendship work on forgiveness ands move on

2) ( ive been dim for 3 months)
stay dim, move on, and hope for the best ( H is very erratic and with me being unavailable, I feel H reacts by not showing up to work at times, being more angry, and not seeing kids
Is it worth it?
I think I can move on and still allow for a small (very)small friendship
the only thing that stops me is this:
Im aware that by being available H will not feel the LOss of our R
so if I dont go dim are my chances of H returning lower??
or at this 2 year point does it matter anymore??

also I have another dileema
I met this man dancing..I know ..Im D 2 weeks now
Hes a great dancer and all the attention
im in trouble
He is nice but im not ready to even consider this and he asked me out tonght
suddenly, I feel what the MLCer goes thru
the excitement of the new
flame
and the pull to try it
I dont know what to do b/c it is so much fun to dance with him
feel like in in HS
Peace
peace

[Upside]

Hi peace-
It must be difficult finding the right balance with your H especially since you work together. As you say you want him to feel the loss but at the same time, you want him to show up to see the kids and for work. I believe you have to do what is right for you and not be concerned how your actions might effect his chances of returning. As long as the LBS follows basic DBing, I am not so sure their actions have much effect on the WAS/MLCer.

Hmmmm...a new guy that makes you feel like you are in HS??? Some here may not like my opinion but here goes anyway...Is this a bad thing??? I know you would still like your M to be restored but since you are divorced, maybe you should consider going out with this guy. It may be scary but it might help you move forward in your life.

[kjensen]

Peace-
At this point a little flirtation or dancing may be just what you need to get in touch with what pleases YOU. There should be no guilt at this point, no questionning that you need to do what feels right for you. Your ex still has a lot to deal with-he's figuring out how you fit in his life now, it seems he still wants you in his life and that is a place to start. To truly move forward you may need to invest in yourself and goals specifically that are for you. Not goals that include him or a relationship with him...that can come later. Do something for yourself-have fun! You'll be a better you and a better mom with some laughter and fun in your life! I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

[dl443322]

Hey Peace, do what feels right for your regarding h. Follow your gut without regard to if it will get h to move towards you.

As far as the guy, nothing wrong with making a new friend. Again, follow your gut regarding whether it will become more than that.

[peacetoday]

XH over tonigfht to get kids
He is so angry ..
with me?? I guess..not sure why
he is very depressed.withdrawn..sees the kids briefly then leaves them, even if I am not back yet
Its like he doesnt want to give me any extra time babysitting??he used to..he is only concerned with himself..
I am completely detached, not even giving him a second thought but im pleasant and friendly
I sense we have grown more apart since my dimness and there is no going back now
not unless XH iniaites a change which I do not see
he seems far far into the tunnel..further away now than so far on this journey..I feel I have to ket him go
either he will find his way or not

he isnt asking for my help


this new male friend has been pursing me/ and this is on my mind trying to figure out if I want to do this..I dont want a BF
but
I feel the situation with him is pulling me away from H and I need to leave, so I feel I want to explore it a little more
but I do not feel this friend is right for me in long run
but it is so freeing after being rejected and unloved for 2 years by xh
so im not sure how long this will go on..I sense it is up to me
seeking guidence from God
I sense I am suppose to move on now..maybe this situation is a lesson for both me and friend?

I dont even sense XH has a clue that i have this new male friend pursuing me
XH seems almost dead so unaware of anything else bedies him
I have a hard time even communicating with him at work
seems so weird a we have gotton along well thru most of this
seems harder now thoguh
I am done..I really think i am
peace

[Andabelle]

I think if you tell your friend you're not ready for anything serious, it should be fine.

I wouldn't be surprised if you X flipped if he learned you were seeing someone. They don't like being replaced any more than we do.

[peacetoday]

Thanks anabelle
I think I need to put the brakes on this fling
the attraction is like a magnetic force pulling you into something that is not right..at leasst not now
not b/c of xh because I cant handle another R now
I need to be on my own a bit longer to get stronger
but
I dont know if I will let him go???we are having so much fun together
it is very hard to fight it
peace

[glamgirl]

Wow Peace that is exciting. Male interest sounds fun for now. I would just go with it. After all, you are D now.

It can get confusing if you are still standing, but now sure where you are at in all of this mess.

Enjoy today for what it is. Happy Easter!