Wondering how to handle things

[kissak]

Wow Sanderika, sounds like you have had a rough few years. I can say the last 2 1/2 have been the worst of my life. I just try to think of it as God trying to prepare me for something better, or to teach me patience and understanding...which I seem to have plenty of.

I think the hard part with my H and I is that he and I get along great! We talk more now than we did while we were married, probably even see each other more.

See, about the last 5 years of our marriage he threw himself into the EMS/fire dept. He was there all the time. I guess I should have known something was going on. Of course the day he told me he was leaving I begged him to tell me there was someone else, at the time it would have seemed easier to let him go if there was, but he denied it completely. One week later he was dating a woman from the dept, who coincendently left her H the same day he left me. She was the OW. They both denied anything going on up till then.

He was back and for so many times between me and her that she finally got feed up with it and moved on.

Of course I finally got my H to admit that he did cheat on me with someone while we were married. HE wont tell me who with to this day. I have a feeling who, and I think it was with more than one person.

My H told me about a month ago that he didnt want to come home. He thought long and hard about it, yet 2 days later he was coming back around. Being nosey about me and all.

Its the same cycle and I see it only continuing. He is in counseling once a week. Which I think is good for the most part. We tried MC in the beginning, but only to pacify me...he didnt want it, so therefore it werent going to work.

I know he loves me. It has taken him 2 years to be able to admit that and say it again. I love him too. But I need to get out of this limbo Im in. But I cant bring myself to file for a divorce. It goes against what I believe in.

I do pray to God for his guidance on this.

I know things will work out as they should.

Whatever that will be. Divorced or not.

I can finally say though that I am alot better than I use to be. The pain does pass. It is easier now.

Glad to have a new friend on here.

And Mishka, yes he had lied alot to me about things in our marriage. He still wont admit to alot of things. And Im sure there is lots I dont know about.

He was in the Military for the first year of our marriage....gone alot....so i always have wondered about the things that went on.

But its all in the past.