WAW + MLC + Male BFF + "Just Friends" = Fed Up

[Heartbroken20]

You feel you're being a stand-up guy by being willing to work on things from the beginning, but the door just keeps getting slammed in your face. Sometimes it does make you wonder if nice guys really do finish last.

I'm in a similar situation myself with the OM. I really want to scream "What am I supposed to do while you figure things out?" but I feel so afraid of making an ultimatum. It's a really cruddy situation to be in --- I really feel for you.

You are truly a strong person for enduring for two years. I can't imagine.

You are so right about feeling like nice guys finish last and the "ultimatum or not" decision. It is SUCH a PITA to have to endure all of the BS and turn the other cheek, etc. Especially, when it seems like they are throwing it in your face just to see if they can get away with it. Read your story and feel you are fortunate in that at least she shows some concern over "throwing it all away". My wife is ambivalent and shows no remorse over having strayed from the marriage. However, I feel horrible for you that she decided to separate so quickly, must really have been truly devestating for you. I can only imagine that pain, and I'm NOT looking forward to it.

Thanks for the compliment about me being strong, sure wish I was a strong as I seem. I do need to GAL outside the marriage and can totally identify with your being interested in spending time just being together. That's really all I want as I am in the military and have been away from my family for the better part of six of the last eight years. Spending time together is at the top of my list but for her, seems suffocating and interferes with her "life" she's established while I'm away.

My friends have all said that I really AM a stand-up guy for putting up with all this, but then again, they're friends. What else would they say? I just don't believe in divorce, unless there is true abuse, physical, chemical, emotional or otherwise. Not to mention, that I still love her and even these days see very short glimpses of the woman I married. It's the only thing that gives me hope. This, however, is not an abusive situation.

This is just someone who appears to be going through MLC, and in conjunction, found an old friend who is ALWAYS understanding, supportive, and can be her "soul-mate" without having to deal with her 24/7 and/or hold her accountable when she is acting childish, bitchy, mean or just being unreasonable/intolerant.

I think nice guys probably DO finish last. The more I accommodate her bad behavior, the worse she seems to get. I don't think she truly understands the permanent damage she does with every thoughtless word and cruel action. Or maybe she does and is trying to get me to give up on us so she can leave without feeling guilty about breaking up our marriage.

Anyway, thanks for your support and let me know how things go for you. Fight the good fight, that's all we can do for now.