The adventure continues--part 2

[spellfire]

Yeah, reminds me of that saying "don't throw the baby out with the bathwater".

Just keep on a positive plan for you and your D in the mean time. I think the critical moment will be her opening up to you. She needs to trust you will forgive her no matter what (with the boundary that it will never happen again), so that would be my focus, providing that "safe zone", reinforcing that you can take whatever she has to say, without pressuring her to say it. I think once she is able to open up to you, a burden will be lifted from her and things will start to fall in place.

[AFWAW]

Just keep on a positive plan for you and your D in the mean time.

Yep, daughter and I are having a good time and have bonded more than you would ever think. She feels comfortable talking to me about boys and other girl stuff. I am in contact with several folks out of state in the event this does not work out. I will be moving fast to a new job and location.

I think the critical moment will be her opening up to you. She needs to trust you will forgive her no matter what (with the boundary that it will never happen again), so that would be my focus, providing that "safe zone", reinforcing that you can take whatever she has to say, without pressuring her to say it. I think once she is able to open up to you, a burden will be lifted from her and things will start to fall in place.

Hey, I am ready! If she wants to talk, I will listen. It's getting to a point where something needs to happen either way though. If she wants to come home, great! All I require is full disclosure, mutual transparency and a desire to make this marriage work. If she comes back with an attitude then forget it! I am not making any demands however at this point. I want her to come home. Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps. Hey, I love her.

[AFWAW]

Just got a call from the wife. She made a lot of small talk and I think is trying to feel me out. Asked me if I want to go work out tomorrow. Ok, not a fantastic date but hey, it's better than a sharp stick in the eye. She asked about the possibility of me staying here if I made rank this time. I said I didn't know and she basically alluded to the fact that she knew she was going to have to make a decision really quickly if were going to reconcile. I think she is trying to open up to me as she told about where and who she went to lunch with today. She asked me about a show on tv and said I can let you go if you want to watch it. I said, that's ok, to be honest tv's not that important to me, I've only watched about 5 hours of tv since I've been home. She apologized. I said, well it's just not that important to me anymore. Oh, I hope she is leaning toward coming home. She acts like she is testing the water right now. She did mention that she really needed this break. OH PLEASE, I HOPE SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING SO BAD THAT I CANNOT FORGIVE. I really miss her and want this to work out. We'll see, I refuse to get excited. I'm not going to do that to myself again. Hope everyone is doing ok tonight!

[Mellenmack]

John,

You have to make up your mind before she opens up. Either you forgive or you don't. Go ahead and imagine the worst. Just for argument's sake. With your two best friends. Multiple times. I hate to say that, but truly make it the worst case scenario. And then TRULY think about whether you are willing to forgive.

Another thought is this. I don't know how this would work, so I am mainly just talking about my a$$, winging this, but follow me for a minute. What if you just told her that you forgive her, but that you don't want to know? I mean really, if you want to forgive and move on with her...and she wants to make it right...does it really matter? Does it just make it worse to know? As long as you have her back, do you care what she did as long as she is willing to go to counseling and do something better and different for the marriage. I hate to not know, much like I imagine you hate to not know, but really...could you forgive without knowing? Maybe I am crazy, but it's something to think about. Not sure. Maybe someone else will have ideas about how to cover that.

Have a good night.

Melissa

[PortlandDad]

Is it possible to forgive without knowing? I have a hard time believing that. If your Sp won't open up and confess what they have done, then are they truly remorseful about what they have done and are they really seeking forgiveness?

Call me old-fashioned, but if she won't own up and admit her mistakes, then I wouldn't be so inclined to give her a blank check in the forgiveness department.

[AFWAW]

Mel,
I have already forgiven her for whatever it is. That doesn't necessarily mean I have to take her back at this point though. I think that for the healing process to begin, she needs to disclose whatever it is she did, express remorse and we need to work together to ensure that it doesn't happen again. Say she did do the worst case scenario and I said you don't have to tell me. I would always be wondering what was going on if she had to stay at work late or what she was doing when she was TDY. If I knew what she did and she made steps to ensure that it doesn't happen again then I think the whole process would be easier.

Bottom line, I've already forgiven her. I still love her regardless.

[AFWAW]

Is it possible to forgive without knowing? I have a hard time believing that.

I agree with this. That would be a hard sell for 99% of folks out there in my opinion.

[AFWAW]

Interesting. Called the wife and told her I couldn't make our workout date due to obligations at work. She said no problem, are you going later? I said yep, probably this afternoon. She said, ok, let me know what time and I'll go with you. Very pleasant and Wow, not like the old wife. Not holding my breath or anything but hey we'll see what happens. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Toes are crossed too!

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[AFWAW]

Hmmmmm, just got an email from the wife about an assignment that we both qualify for? It looks like she may be getting worried? I didn't respond as I don't want to look too eager. So far promising signs though. If we were to reconcile, I think a change of scenary and people would help the situation. Trying to stay positive. Still a lot of what ifs.