When I asked her what she needed from me (many, many times) to make things better between us, she would always say she "didn't know". Tough to change when you don't know what the true problem is.
That is a real killer that I think so many of us here understand. You feel you're being a stand-up guy by being willing to work on things from the beginning, but the door just keeps getting slammed in your face. Sometimes it does make you wonder if nice guys really do finish last.
I'm in a similar situation myself with the OM. I really want to scream "What am I supposed to do while you figure things out?" but I feel so afraid of making an ultimatum. It's a really cruddy situation to be in --- I really feel for you.
You are truly a strong person for enduring for two years. I can't imagine. Don't forget to take care of yourself, too, though. A lot of the advice here in the forums and the books is centered around focusing on yourself: (a) it's one thing you really can change; (b) it may end up helping her want to come back; (c) critically, also it helps keep you sane and maybe even a little bit happy.
