It's been 3 full days/nights into my physical separation now. It still feels like an emotional roller coaster cause I can feel fine 1 minute, and then something triggers me to think about the whole thing and I'll be down the next minute.
I miss my son terribly, and am constantly looking at his pictures. I can't wait till this weekend when I'm going to see him. I still have feelings for my W, but I can't help that I hope she will have to do extra work now that I'm not there and maybe it'll trigger something.
It's hard to use the internet cause it's not setup yet. But I'm tapping into a neighbor's wifi temporarily and lose connection alot...lol
I know she already had to have her parents come babysit on Mon and Tues cause my son was sick. I found out cause I stopped by the house to take care of someting on Mon afternoon, thinking noone was there, and there they were....that was kind of an awkward moment. But her mom cried and asked me to keep trying cause she doesn't want us to divorce either. Her dad hugged me but didnt say anything, though he is usually quiet. So I dont really know what he thinks. I almost ran into them on Tues too cause I was in the area and wanted to go to the house to use the bathroom. But I saw their car and kept driving and had to use bathroom at the park district office...lol. And W told me already that she may need her mom to come early and take my son to daycare M-W next week too. Usually it was me who took our son to daycare if she had to leave the house early, or me that took time off to stay home if our son was sick.
And I always picked up our son from daycare so that she could work later if needed. And then I'd make dinner for myself and son, and she'd come home to a dinner already waiting. Not anymore though...I just worry that if her mom will be picking up my son, he'll get hungry waiting for W to get home.
I've been talking to friends alot, but I don't have the luxury of getting together since they are all out of state now. Being away from the house makes it much easier to go dark. Though supposedly going dark doesn't mean you are trying to get over them, but I find myself constantly telling myself to try to get over her and just move on cause it's less painful. Maybe it's cause the feelings of anger are pushing me that way.
I have an IC session tomorrow. But I think it'll be my last. Money is still tight cause I'm still looking for a job. And now that I've moved out, her office is kind of far away now. And I signed up for a class that starts next week and it'll hard to find time too.
