Thanks for your input. I am managing quite well considering. There is nothing I can do to alter anything so I accept things as they are and hope that they improve.
With regards to W, I don't think she is 'finding' herself, I think she had totally 'lost' herself and was looking for guidance and along came a VERY strong person, BFF and basically took her over. That seems to have been the way things have been going for about 2 years now. The whole family noticed it at first and it was a 'joke' to us all. Now the situation is more concerning for my 2 boys. They think their mother is a shell of a person but are only really concerned for her happiness. I am only concerned for my boys.
You are right though, it's not a game and plenty of people have been hurt along the way. In fact, I think that a lot of MIL's problems stem from stress about the whole thing. I would never suggest that to W, it's not my place or like me to do that.
Not that this is relevant to the topic but I couldn't resist making a comment about Brits and their payback - I heard on the news all day about the riots outside the world conference happening there. All I could think of was how rebellious the Brits are when all the world sees them as stoics. When I was there in '69 they were rioting at that time too.
It seems so sad and such a waste for your sons to see their mother this way. Good thing they have you.
Oh we can be quite rebellious at times. You may not hear about the domestic riots that we have had over the years. Ones for the coal miners, ones against certain taxes. Problem is though, we riot then slink away into obscurity. No-one ever seems to win
Thanks for the note about my boys Kass. Yep, they have me. They have their Mum as well, but not as they'd like. She and her BFF have now managed to completely screw up 2 families. I just hope for the 2 of them, that it's worth it. I also hope the BFF's husband gets himself into as happy a place as I have. I only got to meet him once so really don't want to make contact, although I can offer words of support, so I will think about it.
Thinking about the time I met him just reminded me of when. It was for BFF's daughter's 21st. She posted pictures on her alt site afterwards. There was one of my W on her own (taken whilst I was at the bar or in the loo) and simply titled.."W's name". No mention of me at all despite W having been friends with them for 18 months and them knowing all about me and inviting me. Very strange. This was about 2 months pre bomb. Now I can look at the pic and think "sad and lonely person" and your friends made you that way.
Thanks T. I don't think I can visit without W being there, she is staying at MIL's house at the moment (according to S21).
I don't have a problem being there at the same time though, I'm over any anger / regret and other emotional stuff, plus it's more important that I see MIL without worrying about my own personal problems.
S, So sorry to hear the news about your MIL. Do what you need to do. See her if you need to. (and it is ok to be there for your W if you/she needs it at that moment) I remember when my mother died, and then my grandfather died (we were very close) that my exh was extended himself to comfort me until I was over the shock. And remember, my exh parents just died in January, and eventhough he has a GF, we spend one night sharing memories of them both that only we had. Exh, said that it felt good to be able to do this. I think the kids liked it too.
Think about it. We will be praying for everyone. Just add it to my list - now my SIl is dying and my bro won't talk to me so I call her while he is at work. This is the part of getting old that I don't like so much - losing everyone. OK, now I feel better getting that off my chest. Thanks S.
It's now a case of making her time left comfortable.
S23 spoke to W the other day and confirmed that we are ALL here to help her. (I will help practically, but emotionally I am spent) so that was nice of him.
On another note....W has added S23 as a friend in the alt and after researching me and my new friend, blocked me. Thankfully Scarlet, I don't give a damn. If you can't handle the heat, keep away from the kitchen :P
