Dianes Roller Coaster Ride continued... lol

[Jayce]

Hey, Diane, just caught up on your posts (Mexico was so nice and hot & sunny then we had 2 days of snow when we got back. ICKK)

All of use the word 'intimacy' in connection with our marital sex lives. Intimacy exists on several levels in different kinds of relationships. Intimate friends, for example; the really close ones we dish with and share our feelings and opinions. Setting sex relationships aside, marriages have intimacy in that we've shared our childhood memories with our spouses, our goals in life, our fears, our pride in our accomplishments, our satisfactions, our discontents, our spirituality,our dreams for our children....we know the name of each others' first dog....

I don't get the impression that you have much, if any, of that in your marriage. With the long separations his job requires, it would seem difficult to spend much time in those kinds of conversations. From your comments it almost seems that he gravitated to that kind of work in order to avoid spending your lives closely together, consciously or not. Picture yourselves on vacation without the kids. You are at a beach, lying on chaises next to each other, watching the waves rolling in...are you holding hands? Will you be dancing together in the evening when the band is playing in the beach bar? What will you be talking about other than the kids and your families?

Some couples forget how to be together, others never were. Those who do have this kind of intimacy, sharing and trust will find it much easier to deal with serious issues as they arise in their marriage.

When one partner completely shuts the other out - refusal to talk is only one of the ways to do that, absence is another - there is no real marriage. You can't really be partners if one isn't participating.

Other than asking him what, specifically, he was pissed about, there isn't much more you can do unless you want to ask him how he'd feel if you were gone next time he came home. You know me, I'd ask both in the same email. (Patience my ass, I'm going to go out and.... LOL)

He's broken. You can't fix him. He doesn't think he's broken. He doesn't want to be fixed. He doesn't want to fix himself. And you're being broken as a result. That's the part I have empathy for. I hate your heartache. Life's too short....

Whatever you decide to do, take care of you first,
Jayce