Excuse me sir, but this is your wife! She is hurting, and its your responsibility to help her... You are his wife, and it IS his problem.
You should look at the Michelle's books, even if there isnt someone else physically, it sounds like there may be someone emotionally.
Even if you cant get him to go to couples counseling, you may benefit from seeing someone yourself, you may also be able to draw him in by telling him its so you can make yourself a better person, and his input/help at the counseling sessions would help... but you have to stick to that, you cant trick him into being trapped in the counselors office. Are you still military? I spent alot of time with my chaplain during my H's A. He was really helpful.
Welcome to the boards, when you are at your wits end, this is a good place to come vent. And you will usually find people who are going through something similar.
Take care!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
