Need Help handling affair thats still going on

[kjensen]

Been trying to keep track of small changes that may be happening ..
Haven't been distancing(avoiding him), but haven't initiated up conversations/texts/emails. I have been upbeat and 'happy'(as much as possible), acting "as if" things are normal and good.
On Tuesday and today, went home for lunch and ate with H and took a walk in the neigborhood. I kept things "light" and listened mostly. Yesterday H expressed sadness that the apartments he can afford are falling apart/not fit for living..He hasn't sent out resumes b/c he doesn't feel he can get a job with the current financial market(he is so good at what he does and enjoys it, if he would keep at it I think his business would continue to grow-all of his new clients are referrals from current/previous clients). My only backsliding kind of statement was that "if in a few months things were better he could move back home, but I didn't know if he'd be ready and that was OK."
H hasn't brought up anything about further separating so I haven't either...
H seems happier/calmer last few days, not as uncomfortable in our home.

Today we saw a house in the part of our neighborhood we've always liked, and he checked out the listing. I said I could see moving to a nearby town and going smaller not larger, he agreed but wouldn't want to fix up a house, would want to buy already remodeled/updated. I guess I saw it as a positive that he might even be able to imagine still living with me in future or be comfortable talking about homes with me(maybe that's not what he was thinking-I don't know).

Also the fact that he put money in our joint account recently from his business(first time since he moved), was a big change. I would think he'd keep all his business money for himself b/c he'll need it to keep living on his own.

he also called me last night to say he wouldn't be over early in AM and would miss seeing me before I left for work b/c he was exhausted from meeting and was just getting home at 10:30pm. He didn't need to call, so I took that as a thoughtful gesture. Maybe I'm reading more into things..its all i got for now.

H said he'd like to set a time to finish painting D's room, we planned for Sat AM since kids are gone most of day. It was nice he iniated-although its OW's weekend for her kids so maybe he'd trying to fill the void...
Its hard not to get my hopes up, but I'm trying not to..I know he is early into this journey but maybe with antidepressants and therapy getting started early he'll come out sooner?

I am finding that working on emotionally detaching is helping me tremendously. I do feel less swayed by H's neutral feeling towards me...Still want to be close all of the time, but holding back...just my loneliness speaking to me...
I'm thinking of staying at work for lunch tomorrow, so we'll see what occurs..