Beno, of course I nailed it, I'm not just assuming how you feel, in fact truth be known, I can't read your mind and see how you actually feel. I can however tell you how I felt, and based on similar situations, I can assume that the typical male response & emotions during this are all very similar. We wouldn't be on this site if we didn't love our wives and didn't want things to be different. The unfortunate thing is that no one can guarantee our marriages, we can pray to GOD as much as we want but he has given control of our lives to us and that means ultimately we are responsible for our lives and what happens in them.
A few things you will do to start off with, I'm not going to give you everything right now but I'll start you off on some stuff that will help you deal with her and start normalizing your feelings about all of this.
- you will not call her, she can call you and you can speak to her but you won't initiate any phone calls - same thing with emails & text msg's - keep your responses very brief during this initial stage - you will need to start acting indifferent & removed from the situation - you will NOT get angry, unless she shoots the dog in your livingroom, you will NOT get angry, you are a STRONG man and we don't need to be angry to show our strength - if she gives you attitude, if she says something cruel & hurtful, if she makes fun of you in a mean & hurtful way (obviously you have to guage this, I can't do it for you), you will reply to her afterwards that she is no longer allowed to talk to you that way and that she is no longer allowed to treat you that way - if she asks why (and she will) after you mention these rules above, it will almost be a challenge: remember she is feeling pretty strong & powerful right now and you've been pretty weak & submissive up to this point, she is bending your will to her will, people who behave this way to their spouses have a tendency to be cruel & angry, you will tell her in no uncertain terms that "I am not afraid to let go of anyone who doesn't value my life & well-being and that includes you", you may need to practice this a bit, if you don't, the first time you say it you will sound wimpish and unsure of what you're saying. One thing that will help is this: you love her and wouldn't treat her this way but if she really loved you at all, why would she be so cruel to you? - no arguments, in fact you will not entertain any arguments with her and very crucial & important, if she starts an argument with you and appears to be bratty & angry because she doesn't appear to be getting her way, you will tell her that she is very unattractive when she is angry & mean to you and you can't be bothered to look at her or listen to her when she is like this, in fact you won't reward her bratty behavior with your attention and then you leave the room & walk away
The last part is important, she is feeling extremely good about herself at the expense of your self-esteem, she has behaviors that make her similar to a bully but like most bullies, if you stand up to them and show them your strength, they will get thrown off balance especially when they've been using this behavior successfully for quite some time. Remember no anger, calm & strong is the goal, smile if you have to and then turn your back after you said your FEW words (keep it brief) and walk away - go somewhere like you have to be somewhere else and don't have time for her right now.
Telling her she's not attractive when she argues with you will knock her self-esteem from the clouds & back down to earth, especially if she's been enjoying the attention of other men at bars, clubs, parties, etc. She will remember this the first time you say it, it will stick in her brain. Women know that men value a women's physical beauty, it's a man primary way of being attracted to a woman, if the husband that loves her so much says something like this, it will make her think that possibly other men might feel like this about her too. Some might call this a mind game, it isn't. We're simply leveling the playing field and don't feel bad for her if she has a bad reaction to this, she likely will. She has been hurting you and making you suffer with no regrets and no remorse, it's time to make it known that enough is enough. If anyone reading this complains & calls me on this, I welcome it but I'll make it clear that she doesn't mind hurting him and his self-esteem right now, sometimes a "kick in the pants" is needed to go from chaos to order.
Refusing to be her punching bag and stopping your doormat behavior will also re-inforce to her that the days of her making you feel like crap are numbered - you are a STRONG & CONFIDENT man. This accomplishes a couple of things, the jolt of reality sets in, you are setting boundaries & rules for your life, you are demonstrating you respect yourself because you are going to start respecting yourself and your well-being, being strong without arguing is impressive and this will resonate in her brain that you aren't the spineless jellyfish pea-brain that you have been acting like for the past few months. People who respect themselves are attractive people, when you show this to your wife and take into account you haven't shown this to her for quite some time, subconsciously, the small seed/spark of attraction will be started in her. A woman can't respect her husband if he fears her and is a broken man, how could anyone respect anyone like that?
More to come if you're interested, time to rebuild that confidence and self-esteem/self-respect. Good luck bro, I believe in YOU!
