Had a good session with the IC today. Talked about everything that has been going on with me, D3, and W lately. He gave me some things to look for in D3 to make sure she is coping well. He also said that based on W's behavior patterns and in the few times he has talked with her he thinks she is either bipolar or borderline personality disorder. He gave me some stuff to read up on them and see if it seems to fit for either. Based on what I know of both of those I think she may be bipolar (and was actually diagnosed with that when she was a teenager but she doesn't believe it is true). We talked about protecting myself and starting to untangle the financial stuff and how to handle telling W about it. He also talked to be about consulting a lawyer to see what I would be on the hook for as far as spousal support and get that information before I start asking her to take her bills as I may be paying them anyway. I think that is pretty good advice and I will be doing that later this week or early next week. So, good session...some rough stuff to go over and it kind of depresses me some to think about but the sooner I get through this the better and it will help me to detach more.
Don't worry, I'm not going to do that. Not that it doesn't cross my mind from time to time but that's just the 'guy' in me wanting to do it. I know that it would be completely detrimental on so many different ways to my current sitch with W and with future things with W and with D3.
So, W called this morning and wanted to know if I wanted to spend time with her on Friday since it's her birthday. I acted cool about it and said sure, it'd be cool and I didn't have any plans for Friday. She started questioning me some on not sounding "convinced" that I wanted to do it and I just told her that I had just woken up and had some things on my mind...left it at that. She also asked about Easter and I said I didn't have any plans other than having a good time with D3...hunting some eggs, maybe going to the park if the weather was good. She suggested that maybe we could do something together that morning and I said that would be good and D3 would enjoy that. She started talking about work and how she is tired all the time now and doesn't get to see D3 that much and I employed the Puppy valiate with a twist....I understand and it's hard on all of us. She just kinda went...huh, and left it at that.
So far today is ok. Getting some work done at the job and head out in a few for IC for my weekly get everything off my chest I can't say to W session. Should be good and leave me feeling calm and at peace.
DC,
Overall, very good, but next time to be more mysterious and unavailable, esp. if she asks you out ON A FRIDAY NIGHT (good gosh, man, even 13 year olds know to PRETEND you're busy on a Friday nite, LOL!!)
A better answer would have been "Sounds like fun, but I had some plans already. Let me get back to you" or something similar. Maybe bag out on the Friday thing, while being vague and mysterious, and then opting IN to the Easter thing with the family.
As they teach us in sales, you don't want to convey to the prospect that you could literally shoot a gun thru your appt. book and not hit anything.
Overall, you did very well tho, and I love the way you thru in the validate-with-a-twist (hmmm, we need a NAME for that drink).
Yeah Puppy, I agree about the Friday night thing and I do that most all times she asks if i'll hang out now but Friday night is one of my nights with D3 so she knew I wouldn't have any real plans for that night. I usually don't have a babysitter keep D3 on the nights I have with her because I want that time with D. She needs to at least see one parent that is grounded and spending time with her. If it wasn't W's birthday on Friday I would have blown it off. Not getting her a present...I will let D3 pick her out something small but I will at least hang out with her for a few hours that night and let her see how happy I am no matter what she is doing.
Little journaling here. Pretty sure W will not be coming home tonight or that I will talk to her and I'm pretty glad about that. I'm kinda bummed out after the IC session now about all the stuff I need to do to untangle the financial stuff and find out about spousal/child support issues. Just makes me think about things being over and honestly it hurts. I've been doing pretty well with everything and making good progress with myself but it still hurts to think about everything being over. I know nothing is set in stone and there is still a chance but I have to face the facts that there may not be a chance and all of the ramifications of that and it sucks. But, I will get through it and I will have a good relationship with D3. I just have to remember that I can only control myself and my actions and every day is another day to get stronger and to better myself.
Went to the gym and worked out and now I'm home playing with D3 and am feeling a little better. I'm still trying to cope with the swings in W's behavior. Some days things are good and I think we are making some progress only to find the next day things are back to square one or worse. Really takes a toll on me sometimes. I picked up the book No More Mr. Nice Guy today and am going to start reading that. I think I've been a doormat for her for awhile now due to her mood swings and the eggshell walk that goes with them so I need to figure all that out. Hopefully I will gain some insight into this...
Read the first 3 chapters...very insightful. I see where I have been the Nice Guy in our relationship and how that has affected my moods and view of myself. Time for some change...
So, W called this morning on her way to work and we got into a fight about stuff. She asked me some questions and I told her how I felt and she didn't like the answers so she started in on me a little and instead of just owning my feelings and letting her have hers I started trying to defend my feelings. Not a good thing. I realize that that is one of the things I need to work on for myself. I shouldn't feel attacked when someone doesn't feel the way I do and try to defend it and I should try to placate anyone to make them happy. Typical nice guy stuff and it has to stop. Working hard on it but as they say, Rome wasn't built in a day and this is going to take time. Pretty bummed about the fight and mad at myself for getting into it. Backslid some there but I have to regroup, refocus and get on with it. Any words of wisdom from people who have been through this before?
You are right as always Puppy. Just hard not to get baited in sometimes...especially when you get woken up with a phone call. Sheesh....I have so much to learn.
