Are you going to go and have a good time? Or are you going to go and resent it because it wasn't on YOUR timeframe, or H is just asking after you hounded him into it?
I sense a lot of pressure and unhappiness from you on many different fronts. I'm sure that H does too.
A man (or any person) can only take so many times of hearing "you should do this", "you need to...", or "that's nice, but if you only did it this way..." to have their self esteem punctured. This kind of "helpfully suggesting" comes across as a criticism. It damages the ability to have any confidence that anything that is done will meet your expectations. This is strictly about the R skills - I know from your description that H can do many things, and do them well. But when it comes to R skills your H probably feels that he can do nothing right in your eyes. He can't reach the bar that you have set for him, it's too high - and there is nothing in between. So (speaking from personal experience here) H's alternative is simply to do NOTHING. He can't jump over the building in a single bound, so he's not going to try.
Have you noticed that when you back off -
Quote: after not speaking to him for two days other than social niceties, my taking off and going to the movies (and obviously distanced from him) alone last night....
that H felt it was OK to try something?
Try enjoying the fact that H had the courage to ask - he's putting himself on the line there for you to choose. "Reject me or accept me." That is a very vulnerable place for a man. After being met with backhanded compliments and criticism for so long, I just shut down on my STBX. There was no way I was going to risk the rejection again. It also meant I shut down her "suggestions" too. Not the best move on my part, but it gave me some room to breathe. I would not choose that path again, because now I have learned alot more about myself and how the communications and mechanics of an R work.
You can lead a horse to water...
Relax, enjoy the evening. Let H know that you appreciate his efforts, positive strokes, not sideways ones. No - "Well this is what I was talking about before" - that takes away ANY initiative H may have had to do it again. Let H know you are having fun - and have fun!!
