Are you ready & MAN enough to do what needs to be done? Do you realize that giving her time to be with other men isn't going to improve your relationship, in fact it may actually harm it. (actually it will, no maybe about it)
Do you want to stand up now while there still may be a sliver of a chance that the relationship can be salvaged?
Do you see that men are falling into the same trap that many women are climbing out of. They’re beginning to believe that they are powerless.
Alot of women once believed that they were powerless and allowed themselves to be hurt & abused. Men in general are doing the same thing today, we're settling for the roles of victim when we should be demanding what we deserve - equal treatment & rights.
The way your wife is treating you right now is making you start to feel worthless and disposable. How does your self-esteem feel because of this - do you feel like that? Be honest. Do you like feeling like that?
You can either buy into that belief (which you are doing because you are giving her everything she wants & demands from you) or you can reject it.
Male-bashing in general has become the norm in our society (any women reading this, I'm not faulting you, I'll make it known that I'm a man and I love women, I would probably say society in general is at fault, the pendulum swung the other way for so long, women may feel that it's now their turn to enjoy life since the pendulum is swinging the other way). There is also a belief that women are more important than men (you ever here for example about a plane crash on the news, and they say that there were 200 dead, including, 100 women & children - ever notice this, why is it so important to mention women specifically?)
This idea takes hold in all of our minds, we believe it because the idea & the image is so far spread & rampant.
You are allowing this situation with your wife to continue because you believe she is more important that you are. You are surrendering your power as a human being, the power of demanding respect from others, and as a result you are living your current life because this is what you deserve. Do you really deserve this?
Your wife is not going to wake up one day and know whether or not she wants to stay married or get divorced from you. She is not going to make that decision, she is stuck in this holding pattern and will probably never be able to make a decision.
If you are waiting for that, you could wait forever & a day and it won't happen.
OK, I'm posting endlessly here and not seeing any responses so I'll take a break till later.
I ask another question, and you need to answer honestly, if your wife did cheat on you and had an affair with another man, a sexual affair (spelling it out so it sounds as ugly as possible, sex with another man: being naked, having sex, kissing, touching, oral sex, sexual intercourse, etc. etc.)...
Could you forgive her? I mean really forgive her? Could you see it as a poor decision on her part and not something that defines her as a person?
I think that while an affair is a possibility, you should not rule out other reasons she may be choosing to be away from you. Perhaps she did not completely kick her drug addiction. Perhaps she is hiding the fact that she is back on painkillers, or something else. It does seem that she has moved out to hide some behavior from you, but it doesn't have to be an affair.
Sara I do agree with you that it may not actually be an affair and that it could actually be anything - but there are far too many signs to discount and not think about objectively:
- she moves out and needs space - partying with new friends - partying with new friends and planning to take trips out of town with them and although she doesn't want her husband around during that time, she doesn't mind asking him to pay for the trip because she knows that he'll do anything in hopes of keeping her, she senses this and uses it to her advantage - the fact that she told him that if he finds someone that she doesn't want him bringing that someone back to the family home, if he hasn't brought up her having an affair or seeing anyone, why would she bother mentioning that and also the fact of not bringing someone else into the family home (perhaps the reason for her moving out?) - the radically new, mean behavior, the demands for him to do things for her and being cold & cruel about it - the MLC and her wanting to find her self and experience new feelings because she has experienced strong feelings of her own mortality and knows that she won't live forever - there are so many other signs that point to this behavior
Believe me, I don't want this to be an affair but all of the signs point otherwise. Even if she isn't in the middle of an affair right now, she is starting one or on the cusp of that action, she seems to be "fishing"
- This isn't male or female behavior but it is a human behavior to be sure and the view point that I offer is only my own plus all the personal research I've done on this topic and although I'm better for having all this info now at my disposal, I hate knowing any of this because it appears to be common & increasing behavior
OK, I'm posting endlessly here and not seeing any responses so I'll take a break till later.
I ask another question, and you need to answer honestly, if your wife did cheat on you and had an affair with another man, a sexual affair (spelling it out so it sounds as ugly as possible, sex with another man: being naked, having sex, kissing, touching, oral sex, sexual intercourse, etc. etc.)...
Could you forgive her? I mean really forgive her? Could you see it as a poor decision on her part and not something that defines her as a person?
i will honestly answer this question i sat and thought long and hard for an hour... it would hurt deeply no doubt im human afterall, now i know i would see past this beacuse i know me and most importantly i know her, its the new her i dont know. so if im honest yes i could forgive and i truly mean that,
Are you ready & MAN enough to do what needs to be done? Do you realize that giving her time to be with other men isn't going to improve your relationship, in fact it may actually harm it. (actually it will, no maybe about it)
Do you want to stand up now while there still may be a sliver of a chance that the relationship can be salvaged?
rob thanks buddy... yes i am man enough ive read and re read this over and over again, everytime i read this it gives me strength, has from now this is going to be a turning point for me, i am going to stand up for myself i am worth more than a doormat, i will be civil and fair but i will also be firm.
Are you ready & MAN enough to do what needs to be done? Do you realize that giving her time to be with other men isn't going to improve your relationship, in fact it may actually harm it. (actually it will, no maybe about it)
Do you want to stand up now while there still may be a sliver of a chance that the relationship can be salvaged?
rob thanks buddy... yes i am man enough ive read and re read this over and over again, everytime i read this it gives me strength, has from now this is going to be a turning point for me, i am going to stand up for myself i am worth more than a doormat, i will be civil and fair but i will also be firm.
Are you ready & MAN enough to do what needs to be done? Do you realize that giving her time to be with other men isn't going to improve your relationship, in fact it may actually harm it. (actually it will, no maybe about it)
Do you want to stand up now while there still may be a sliver of a chance that the relationship can be salvaged?
rob thanks buddy... yes i am man enough ive read and re read this over and over again, everytime i read this it gives me strength, has from now this is going to be a turning point for me, i am going to stand up for myself i am worth more than a doormat, i will be civil and fair but i will also be firm.
