So, it seems to me your H is afraid to "be," just wind down, chill out, and take some time to think. Again, I ask you, has he ever done any kind of serious self-examination, LL?
It saddens me that people can go through their entire lives without realizing this dynamic in themselves. I pray that your H comes out of his "protective" shell. I pray for him to have peace.
jethro
at the very begining of our seperation...we did go to a c together...not because h wanted to but because I went on my own and the c wanted to talk to him to get a sense of things...the c then suggested we go together for a bit and h agreed..that lasted two sessions.
the c tried to address with h the fact that his life seemed to revolve around the business or work aspect h fully admitted to living his life wrapped up in getting the business set.
so the c pointed out...well now you've got the business all set so when are you going to get to the other parts of living life?
h's response..."I've been waiting to be pulled out"
heck I've been trying for years to get him to live a little.
who pulled him out?
ow!
h started listening to music more (before that it was all talk radio, sports, weather etc)
before I had asked h once if he'd ever be interested in getting one of those of road vehicles or snowmobiles (we do have trails right off our yard) h said no...during our sep when one drove by one day he said..maybe I'll get one of those someday.
during our sep..he seemed a bit more alive... dressed a little neater (well ok he wouldn't just come here in work clothes...he'd shower and put on a different tshirt...even bought himself sneakers a man who wears work boots everywhere) wore cologne.
heck I even found a deck of cards in his travel bag.
h is not alive when he's with me.
h should leave me again...I'm starting to think we'd both be better off that way...and if we are happier and better off without eachother than the kids will be better off too.
all the little things that h does that are supposed to show me that he loves me....hmmm let's see...
when h first moved out after telling me he didn't want to be my h anymore...
he called every morning to say hello and see how we all were.(only stopped because I asked him not to call me)
when he was here he did the dishes and played with the kids while I went out.
he bought me flower seeds for my wild flower area. he bought me morning glory flower seeds, a flower I had talked about wanting to put in since we started building the house. he put the airconditioner in MY bedroom (not the kids) and for some reason didn't bother to this summer. if I did happen to be here while he was here he would offer me a soda or some of his drink.
if I mentioned wanting to take a tree down he immediately went out and pushed it over.
he took care of the yard.
he took my car and had it cleaned.
he payed for me and sil to get a massage.
he planted my flowers for me on mothers day and gave me cards from the kids.
and those are things he was doing while he was adamant about not loving me...being in love with ow...and clear that he was never comming home.
so how can I now look at the same things comming from him and accept that they mean he does infact love me and does infact want to be with me??????????????????
truth is I can't...all those things show me is that he does care...that I never doubted.
what I want is what he gave to ow...friendship.
h has never (and yes I know that's a strong word) truly let me be his friend. it's all I've ever asked for...I began to accept that perhaps h was just incapable of friendship but now I know that he is capable....he just doesn't want me to be his friend.
