Have you tried writing a letter to him to initiate a discussion? Something carefully thought out and carefully written? You MUST convey what's in your head and heart somehow. Also, making an appointment to have a discussion is an excellent strategy. It frames the talk as "extremely important," and it gives him the opportunity to schedule the discussion when he will be able to focus and be open.
The longer you stay in this situation without communication, the more erosion will occur, and the more he will learn that you will stay no matter what he does or doesn't do.
And, always remember that even if he doesn't respond or react, he IS taking in what you say and what you do and how you behave. What you say and do and how you behave is incredibly important, whether you see an outcome or not. The more authentic, truthful, direct, and straightforward you are, the better equipped he will be to work with you. Bottling up feelings of frustration tend to cause sarcasm, hurtful digs, and outbursts -- all non-productive forms of communication.
I understand you are in a tough situation. I pray that he continues in IC, and I hope that you are able to lessen your fear of communicating with him. Heck, what's he going to do? Cheat on you and abandon you? Oh yeah... IOW, he's already done the worst -- It's time for you both to push uphill. Be brave and show him how you need to be loved.
