Wondering how to handle things

[kissak]

You know Sanderika, I felt like you have an insight to my life.

And it is hard to be ready emotional to make a decision to divorce or not. I honestly dont think I could file for a divorce right now. I have always said he would have to be the one to do it that I just didnt think I could or should since it's not what I wanted.

But I dont see any reason why I cant move forward anyway. Its not like Im looking to start another relationship with anyone. How can I when I still love my H?

To be honest with myself, I havent truly trusted my H in quite some time. Even when things were going good years ago. I guess I just let things, lies roll off my back. I just didnt want to see things so I ignored them. Pretended like I didnt see them. Or I just believed his explanations.

I guess because I did it for so long, that's why I have such a hard time with "can I live with someone I dont trust?" I did before...I know it probably makes me look weak and all, but Im just trying to figure all of this out in my head. The thing is now I dont think I could let the lies roll off my back. Why could I do it before and not now?

Thanks for posting Sanderika, makes me feel better to know that there is someone else with a H like mine! Sad to think there is more than one of them out there!