I feel I have a lot in common with your sitch. My kids are same age s(4) and d(2). And I have a workaholic husband who spends a lot of time either sleeping or fiddling with the computer. I too am feeling like DBing wasn't really worth it and not sure whether I actually like H much. We had a great 6 weeks together following his return home in June but this past month has been really crappy and I feel like we are back in old R.
Quote: Usually, by the time we're posting on this forum, we've got a lot of momentum built up, and have been working very hard to get to this place. It's hard to slow that pace down. Often times, once we do, it's easy to forget that some of the things that helped us get here, and we fall back into old patterns
These seem like wise words from JamesJohn kind of hit me like a 2X4.
I agree with Sage and others who have posted to say you should schedule a night out a week and just do it whether he comes or not.
After H read 5LL he finally clicked that my LL is quality time so now we go out one night a week to a salsa class. I swear it is the only thing keeping our marriage together. If it weren't for that one night out together I think I would be throwing in the towel by now. Maybe it would be a good thing to schedule something where you don't have to talk face to face, like dancing or bowling or something. Maybe your H is fighting shy because he thinks it will end up being R talks all the time?
The time you mentioned when he asked you to watch football on TV with him and you turned him down. Maybe that was a babystep? Not ideally what you would like - a crumb as you put it - but maybe you have to build the cake one crumb at a time?
BTW on the question of loneliness and being stuck with the kids - I hear you, although I do have a couple of girlfriends in same sitch and we get together. You mention you're gf's are busy with chores etc. Can this work: I alternate one morning a week minding my friend's kids for her and vice versa then we have lunch together. I also alternate dropping off and picking up S to pre-school with another friend and then we usually at least have a cup of tea or something when we drop the other child back. It works because we are helping each other out as well as just getting together to chat.
take care
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
