I think, too, I'm futurizing a bit. For sake of argument, assume there's a reconciliation (I expect there won't be, but play along). If I'm not "me" after the DB process -- through GAL, 180s, and the School of Hard WAW Knocks, I change -- and if she's not her, then who are we? When I think of the phrase "save the marriage," I think of the marriage in Time Period T. But at the end of the reconciliation process, it is Time Period T+1. Wouldn't it be ironic if we didn't like each other in T+1? Now that theoretical possibility is waaaaaayyyyyyy down the road (in fact probably not at the end of my road), but nevertheless it is a bit of poser.
No one CHANGES, SP. Look here ~~~ GAL, 180s, DEALING .... these are all activities and skills that you are accessing/acquiring to become YOU...only BETTER! And SHE is doing the same. People don't change. Can they/do they CHANGE the way they DEAL? No question! So on the other side of this you will be better and more YOU...and she can be better and more of who she wants to be. And these two people CAN coexist. Happier than they ever imagined. When Coach and I reconciled - neither of us CHANGED. We just have better relationship tools.
Got an idea for ya. Doesn't she have a weekend away coming up - with the enabling BFF or something like that in the same city as the Schmuck? So what are you going to do while she is away? Why don't you plan and execute on something that she would love with the kids? Is there something that y'all have long said you wanted to do with the kids - a getaway that all of you would enjoy? Plan something great with the kids for when she plans to be ... away. Invite her. She'll say no but invite her. HIGHLIGHT the difference between what she's up to and what you have to offer. PLUS...what a great GAL...doing something amazing with your children. This would be a great PROACTIVE move as opposed to all of the REACTING that I sense you are SICK of.
Cheers ~~~
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
