Quote: I know... Each difficulty in our life provides us the opportunity to change...for the better. It seems your H perhaps at first was on this road, but yet again, got mired in his own muck.
perhaps he might think it's me who's mired in muck and he is just peachy.
Quote: You know, I've been thinking about you and your H a lot the last few days. Let me ask you something... It seems your H is always busy. When he's not busy, he's chilling out (practically sleeping) because he's tired from being busy. I know people who busy themselves into exhaustion. Why? Because they are trying to distract themselves from something hidden underneath that they don't want to face. My MIL is very much this way. I think your H is hiding in all the work he does. He's not hiding from you, but from himself.
I think he'd disagree, I don't think I do though.
Quote: So, it seems to me your H is afraid to "be," just wind down, chill out, and take some time to think. Again, I ask you, has he ever done any kind of serious self-examination, LL?
I don't think so...I know that during our seperation he did go to a c...how often I don't know..but I do know that his last visit with her was when he started to consider comming back home.
he did spend alot of time before seperation (or heck maybe before I discovered ow) playing horseshoes in our backyard...sometimes he'd even be out there at night just throwing shoes by himself...or sitting in his truck listening to a ball game on the radio...I know that during seperation he spent some time playing pick-up basketball at a park somewhere...
at times he makes statments that lead me to think that he does reflect...ie. when he noted that as a result of starting his company at a young age he took on an arrogant persona that bled into the rest of his life and that he see's it's not productive and not the only way to display confidence or get things done...but I at times still see that persona.
Quote: It saddens me that people can go through their entire lives without realizing this dynamic in themselves. I pray that your H comes out of his "protective" shell. I pray for him to have peace.
I prayed the same for him many many times...even before ow...before seperation...heck any time I passed a wishing well or saw a star...I wished for a happy healthy family nothing more.
someone played a trick on me and made a muck of things perhaps in hope that they would get better but I'm not convinced it worked yet...the tools and ability are all there...they've made themselves seen time and again...but I would like for them to remain a tad more constant. not at all saying I'm looking for or expecting some fairy tale life but....well...by now you all know what I'm about.
the real kicker for me is that I accept my shortcommings...have since an early age...is part of why the majority of my electives in school were the pshychology courses that others dreaded (family diversity and dynamics, abnormal phych, family and childhood in contemporary cultures just to name a few ok so I did wimp out and opted for one true elective and took piano) I know the effects my life have had on me...I know how I have been shaped..maybe it's easier for me to see these things in myself because there source is so easily read...parent stress, abandonment, alchoholism, abuse, sexual abuse etc....while h had the quant little suburban life.
if you asked h...he'd see it as he's "normal" fine and balanced and I am a total basket case who needs help.
