Wondering how to handle things

[Sanderika]

Hello all....

I am Sanderika....AND I might as well be kissak.

I have been at this since 8/05.

I just read this entire thread and have just burst into tears.

I too should ask myself the same question.

My H has come in and out of my life steady for 3 1/2 years now and I let him because I too am afraid.

We are High School Sweethearts and have now been together for 30 years (minus the last 3 1/2 in his MLC state). My H has maintained a R w/ the same OW.

I CAN live alone and take care of myself, son and home. I have done that. BUT, I love my H and I too want him home. WHY?

Can I trust him again?

He does lie. He keeps lots of secrets about his world while the whole time wanting to know everything about mine just like kissak H.

He filed for a D on Oct 3,'08. 3 weeks later he was hanging around us again. He won't leave me completely. He too is always trying to be physical with me. He does not want me with someone else. In court on 1/20/09 he told the judge he wanted the marriage and would reconcile it within 6 months. Well he is still with OW. He is spending more time with her than us. We maybe see or hear from him once in a 7-18 day period.

I make no contact to H ever, for no reason, ever (including issues about son). It is H who makes contact with us. I feel I am ready for a D because I am so tired. I need to gather the strength myself to just put an end to this charade once and for all. I can bring this back to court before July if I want to. I do not want a D and I do love my H and I feel that alone stops me dead in my tracks from breaking the destructive ties that are holding us together.

Thank you all for this discussion, it has helped me to focus on what needs to be or should be done.

Best wishes to all...

Sanderika