Quoting shinybear: LL, when was the last time you sat your H down and made the request for a night out once a week? I'm pretty sure it was last week!
I somehow get the sense that you just might get a different response if you tell him that his "answer" (what is this "can't commit" bullsh!t?) is unacceptable? I've told him several times that it's bogus
It sounds to me like your H "gets his way" a whole lot in terms of how he spends his time. YUP! always has, but I'm sure he would beg to differ I THINK in part you've put up with this in the past because, perhaps, of the earning inequity in your M. "He" works hard to keep the roof over your head...he gets to call the shots. actually it's been that way since long long long before we were married...when we spent time together was always up to him..and I always hated it. I wonder if part of your H's current pattern of approach/withdrawal might be in RESPONSE to how he feels YOU are feeling about the M? well if he wants me to feel poorly or unsure about the m then his pattern is doing a good job
What could you do DIFFERENTLY in bringing up this vital need this time? Perhaps offer flexibility? (Hard with kids, granted)...so that if the "planned night" is bumped for LEGITIMATE reasons (what might those be?...certainly not a "better offer" from buddy or watching sports!)...there can be a fallback plan...a "let's do it tomorrow for sure". has been stated that way already. I get the strong sense that you feel he puts a lot of things ahead of your needs. Ya Think! I too would be irrate to say the least if my H couldn't bend his schedule (in the business HE owns!!!) to accommodate watching the kids while I went to school! well what can I do about it? and if I were to comment on it he would pull a typical guy move and say...I changed my appointment wed to thurs so you could go to your meeting didn't I?? There NEEDS to be more equity here. I'm sure he rationalizes it by pointing out that his working hours are what pay for everything....that's a copout. As you said, while you were Separated he MADE time on a regular basis.
and his response to this is...last year was a slower year....this year is just busy...all the refinancing and people wanting extra work. But I wonder if NOW he might be more receptive to a slightly different approach?
If he "can't commit" to a night set aside for the two of you (in or out of the house) then how about putting your foot down and saying that then YOU would like an evening every week to do whatever YOU would like!! thing is shiny...once he gets home (or heck I could have a sitter here and leave) I CAN go and do what I want every night of the week, and he would say so.
Please tell me he's not the type who would consider this having to "babysit" his own kids! I don't think so anymore...the seperation did teach him a few things...
And as for OW...she's a ghost...if her house is going to be sold, how much longer is there yard work to do? she is a snow plow customer as well...and I am not certain the house is for sale anymore
Oh wait, that's right I'M the Canadian with only a couple of months before the snow flies!
Sorry hon!
Shiny
LL who gets the idea that shiny doesn't like my h very much...and I must say I don't blame her...I wonder if I'm painting the true pic or just the one I see with my muddy glasses??? I do tell you all the good stuff he does right???
