LL, when was the last time you sat your H down and made the request for a night out once a week?
I somehow get the sense that you just might get a different response if you tell him that his "answer" (what is this "can't commit" bullsh!t?) is unacceptable?
It sounds to me like your H "gets his way" a whole lot in terms of how he spends his time. I THINK in part you've put up with this in the past because, perhaps, of the earning inequity in your M. "He" works hard to keep the roof over your head...he gets to call the shots.
I wonder if part of your H's current pattern of approach/withdrawal might be in RESPONSE to how he feels YOU are feeling about the M?
What could you do DIFFERENTLY in bringing up this vital need this time? Perhaps offer flexibility? (Hard with kids, granted)...so that if the "planned night" is bumped for LEGITIMATE reasons (what might those be?...certainly not a "better offer" from buddy or watching sports!)...there can be a fallback plan...a "let's do it tomorrow for sure".
I get the strong sense that you feel he puts a lot of things ahead of your needs. I too would be irrate to say the least if my H couldn't bend his schedule (in the business HE owns!!!) to accommodate watching the kids while I went to school!
There NEEDS to be more equity here. I'm sure he rationalizes it by pointing out that his working hours are what pay for everything....that's a copout. As you said, while you were Separated he MADE time on a regular basis.
But I wonder if NOW he might be more receptive to a slightly different approach?
If he "can't commit" to a night set aside for the two of you (in or out of the house) then how about putting your foot down and saying that then YOU would like an evening every week to do whatever YOU would like!!
Please tell me he's not the type who would consider this having to "babysit" his own kids!
And as for OW...she's a ghost...if her house is going to be sold, how much longer is there yard work to do?
Oh wait, that's right I'M the Canadian with only a couple of months before the snow flies!
