I have been asked this question by h many times...."are you happier now than you were a year ago?"
part of me says yes...
why wouldn't I be happier..I no longer have to deal with the anxiety over the "what will become of me and my kids" there was never a question of "how will I survive without h" my threads are scattered with statements like "he's not really taking much away from me anyway" or "there really isn't much to miss as he wasn't really "here" anyway"...but yes I am happier in that at least my "family" is whole...I don't have to ponder...gee what if I meet someone...how will that effect the kids..who will "get" the kids for this or that holiday...what about vacations etc.
but am I truly happier than I was before????
I try to answer this question to myself and I'm not sure I can answer it...
if none of this (ow, seperation) had happend..would I be happy with the way things are now? would I be able to say..."that's just the way m is" is it this r that makes me dissatisfied or is it this r compounded with the fact that h did lie, did abandon me etc that make me look at the current state of my r through mud colored glasses?
some days I feel good about things..as if "sure I can be happy with this m" and then there are days that I feel like taking him back was a royal mistake.
LL's at a loss....I don't know how I feel about h anymore...don't know if I like him let alone love him...and that scares me..what if I'm just pretending and now know that h is just pretending as well...
just feeling blah about my m latley...as is typical...there is no consitancy with h...all seems to be an attempt to win back my good graces only to then retreat back to his sleep or his watching sports or chatting with buddie. a never ending cycle that is wearing my patience thin.
my old thread was locked out...there are some interesting points made there that I will bring here when I have more time.
