I have a question I'd like some advice on. Do you guys think it's ever ok for a married person to have a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex (especially someone who is single)? What boundaries should be placed on that friendship? What behaviors are acceptable in that friendship?
For me, I have always had a problem with that. I don't think we should have close relationships with the opposite sex b/c I believe it is flirting with temptation. My W, on the other hand, thinks it's perfectly acceptable and that the spouse should just trust the other partner. We've been back together for almost 2 months now, and doing well, with the exception of this disagreement.
It's a thin line. I think it is healthy to have friends with the opposite sex, although I just have a few, but it must be very carefully handled. I also think its important that the spouse is also friends with that person, although that sometimes doesn't even matter. People still cross that line. Friends with opposite sex though gives perspective and understanding of the opposite sex.
The way I have seen it put before is if within the friendship of opposite sexes, either party discusses something they wouldn't want their SO to know about, then the friendship is inappropriate.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Good point, Saffie. But what is a friendship v. a co-worker type relationship? I mean, is it ok in your opinions for these people to talk on the phone, text, email, or even have lunch every now and then?
I don't think it's appropriate, as I think nearly all (ok, maybe ALL) guys either want to get into your pants, or they're hoping they can SOON be in a position to get into your pants. That's just the way we are.
I certainly have female friends, but it's in a group setting -- not going out just the two of us.
It's really all a moot debate anyway, as I don't think there's ANY WAY IN HELL that it's appropriate for your CURRENT situation! You're only 2 months into reconciliation!!!
Nope...it isn't a good idea unless the friendship INCLUDES the spouse at all times...otherwise there is too much room for confidencial talk that can lead elsewhere...
I think it is especially so if there has been infidelity....and in my opinion anyone who would insist on this right of friendship after infidelity is definitely up to NO GOOD!
All very good points. I'm not comfortable with it, but I'm not sure what to do. My W has insisted has she has all this time that there was never anything inappropriate between them. She says she was initially confused about her feelings towards him, but he never reciprocated that. Also, she says that while she wishes she hadn't developed this friendship in the first place, it's there now, so she doesn't want to turn her back on it, especially for no reason in her eyes. She wants me to just trust her. I want to trust her. It's hard, though. She did choose to come back to me. I in no way compelled her to do this. She came back to me. We ML regularly, we spend most of our time together, she reads her Bible on a daily basis. Everything seems to be going well. I'm afraid if I make this a sticking point it will make her turn and run and start feeling suffocated again. More thoughts?
