WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 6

[confusedinpa]

A rather "routine" nite/morning

The only thing was my 3 year old had an accident around 1 AM last nite. I was almost done taking care of it when she had come out of the spare bedroom. She came in to help, so I asked if she could find put a clean set of PJ's on him (he was just in a dry pair of underwear). She did and held him while I finished getting his bed ready. I tucked him in and she wound up putting all the bedding stuff into the washer. She went back into the spare bedroom and said that I could have gotten her next time. I thanked her for helping.

We had minor chit chatting while we got ready for work. Mostly the weather and how she was recovering from her fall (I must admit the bruises look pretty painful.)

I try to be compassionate by saying "Those look pretty bad. Is there anything tha I can do to help?" I'm not sure if that's compassionate, or just a dumb thing to say because she always just says no, there isnt anything or that she's ok. Or am I over analyzing.

When I got downstairs, my wife and youngest was sitting at the kitchen table (my oldest was watching his show in the family room). I commented that something smelled good. She had made a small breakfast (Pop Tarts) for her and my youngest.

She then commented how she was up for 2 hours after my youngest had an accident in his bed. She said she couldn't get comfortable again because of her bruises. I told her I was sorry to hear that and that she could have gotten me if there was anything I could have done to help make her feel more comfortable. She said there wasn't.

I think I'm going to stop offering help when she talks about her bruises. Seems like she declines all the time.

She walked by me to go upstairs and didn't stop for a hug nor did I make a move to initiate.

When I got my stuff (i.e. wallet, keys) there was a small note with a short list of stuff we needed from the grocery store (we talked about it last nite).

As my oldest and I were in the driveway getting into my truck, she hollared out the window to ask if I got her note and will I be able to get the stuff from the grocery store. I thanked her for giving me the note as a reminder and said I would take care of it.

I kick myself at times that I shouldn't have told her that I loved her enough that she was free to leave and that she didn't have to wait till we sold the house. If I hadn't done that, it would have easily taken another 6 months to sell the house.

But as a few people have pointed out, I'm not sure if how much it helped by having her in the house. She was still focused on leaving before I told her that. She had contacted a real estate agent to sell the house and was pushing for a custody agreement (both things she felt she needed to do before leaving). By telling her that I would be financially able to keep the house if she moved out, it accelerated her schedule, but maybe that's a good thing.

She has said that she needed space and time to heal. We never talked about trying to find a way for her to heal while being in the house. She has said she wanted to leave since Jan but didn't want to leave before a custody agreement nor leave me in a financial position where we could lose the house. I am hoping that when she leaves, she can focus on healing, rather than leaving.

She has said that she will take the time to heal and then really think about all that she's giving up by leaving. She wants to make sure she is not making a mistake. She has said it's similar to when we first started dating. Back then she thought we were moving too fast (we were practically living together after the first several days). She had taken that time to see if she was seeing me because it was comfortable/convienient or because she wanted to.

I still dreading her leaving thinking that it is truly the end, but I must keep the faith.