Gwyn, I totally agree with Gypsy. You're only a victim if you believe that you are. That thought can hold you back.
You are very much still in the anger phase. I always likened the process of grieving a divorce to the process of grieving a death. There are some very similar patterns to both. And it is a death, even if it isn't a physical one. The "death" of a relationship is very difficult and takes time to recover. It almost sounds like your engagement was just a tactic to stop feeling bad about your divorce instead of really wanting to be available emotionally for someone else.
You are still processing a lot, and it takes time to heal. You are struggling. Focus on yourself and emphasize what is good about you, to yourself!
Been there, done that, D'd in 2003 after nearly 25 years of marriage. Getting happier each day that passes, too. Give yourself time!
