It is a very immature view of love...but I guess it explains the OM some. The longest relationship she has been in before me was about a year and there were some breakups in that year. Her parents have a good relationship but all growing up they moved around a lot for her dad's work and he was always having to travel so that could make it seem like her parents were always in that phase. BTW...her parents and sister all are supportive of her but want us to stay together. She also hasn't told any of them about the OM.
You know WAWs are a funny bunch. I remember back when I was trying to use logic against what she was doing with OM (before reading DR) I told her you know you are just a rebound for him since he is getting divorced after 11yrs and when the need for your cushion is gone you will be too. Her response...I can't believe that because if I did I would have to admit to myself that's what he is for me. I was dumbfounded by that response...
Maybe people have different experience, but I think it becomes real hard for her friends and family to be genuinely supportive of her when she admits and OM. I've seen elsewhere that often these relationships don't withstand the cold light of day. For me, (in a pre-last-resort moment), I pointed out that I assumed all of her co-workers knew about the nascent A because they're so obviously flirtatious. Who knows if it helped, but it knocked her into silence for a bit. It's the usual what's obvious to the outside observer is not obvious to those involved situation. When she said that she told her family and friends, I also asked if they knew about the OM. Being good and decent people, they're not likely to support her directly on the topic of OM ...
One interesting thing I've found that there is often an implicit assumption that people have that the H has done something amiss (affair jumps to mind first, but also violence, alcohol, drugs, MLC for the H) when W leaves. I find myself going through the whole spiel of "wife moved out, no there was no big blow-up fight, I didn't have an affair, never any violence or drinking or drugs ..."
I agree with you there. I know the reason she hasn't told her family is because they would go off on her. It's not really my place to tell them so I won't but if they were to call and ask then I wouldn't lie to them about it. I'm just not going to volunteer that info to them at this moment.
Well, W actually came home and slept here last night instead of with OM. I'm sure that doesn't mean anything other than our house is closer to where she works and she had to be at work at 7am. Fully expect her to not stay here tonight. I'm sure this all confuses D3 even more...especially because we don't sleep in the same room. I just have to stay strong and be the grounded one for her. She is the innocent one in this and is the only one without a choice in what happens. Today I have IC so that should be good. Need to run through some stuff in my head and just really vent some. Wanna run everything by him about getting W to start paying some of her bills and get his opinion on in and maybe some coaching on responses to what I'm pretty sure she is going to say. Combine that with what I got from Puppy here and I should be set.
And is it just me or does anyone else with a WAW seeing OM want to just confront the OM directly and have it out?
DON'T. It's just about the ONE thing that everyone agrees on around here. It raises the OM in importance (think of an American President meeting with some ragtag terrorist leader), you may not be able to control yourself, and it will only give the two of them something to have a good laugh about.
From the "other side of the camp"...being female I confronted the OW...according to H, this and a few other things extinquished the flames and caused a bit of guilt to permiate the relationship on the part of the OW because up to that point she only knew what H told her about me...after getting "my side" she felt bad (according to H)
BUT...it can go either way and with OM I think it has more potential for outbursts or physical violence then with women...plus OW was in another state and I spoke to her over the phone...
Just another point of view because each sitch is different...and you never really know what is right to do and what is wrong until it is done and you see the result.
Don't worry, I'm not going to do that. Not that it doesn't cross my mind from time to time but that's just the 'guy' in me wanting to do it. I know that it would be completely detrimental on so many different ways to my current sitch with W and with future things with W and with D3.
So, W called this morning and wanted to know if I wanted to spend time with her on Friday since it's her birthday. I acted cool about it and said sure, it'd be cool and I didn't have any plans for Friday. She started questioning me some on not sounding "convinced" that I wanted to do it and I just told her that I had just woken up and had some things on my mind...left it at that. She also asked about Easter and I said I didn't have any plans other than having a good time with D3...hunting some eggs, maybe going to the park if the weather was good. She suggested that maybe we could do something together that morning and I said that would be good and D3 would enjoy that. She started talking about work and how she is tired all the time now and doesn't get to see D3 that much and I employed the Puppy valiate with a twist....I understand and it's hard on all of us. She just kinda went...huh, and left it at that.
So far today is ok. Getting some work done at the job and head out in a few for IC for my weekly get everything off my chest I can't say to W session. Should be good and leave me feeling calm and at peace.
