Yes, that "we are not married anymore" refrain gets heard a lot around here. It's the new "marriage is a state of mind. If you want to get divorced, just change your mind" philosophy. Legally, it just doesn't fly.
Part of the problem with your discussions is that both you and she are highly intelligent people. And you are engaging in a battle of the minds. Neither of you will win. Perhaps that is a game you both enjoy, but it sounds like you don't anymore. It can be fixed. It takes willingness.
