and Puppy don't forget. Saffie. Waiting Patiently. I'm sure there are others I'm forgetting. I think sometimes, I'm thinking about one sitch in particular, DBing works but then the LBS has moved on already too. And sometimes I think you can DB your butt off, and you get stronger and more self-confident, but the WAS is just already permanently checked out. Karen
We were having a long distance relationship and I was enjoying the progress we were making. Wife was planning to come visit, we were talking about ourselves in the future tense. Still no promise but it really looked good. She told me she needed me.
One day I had a really bad day and wanted to hear her voice but then I realized that she was most likely w/ other man. I thought that was over. True she never said so but I thought that since she was so into talking about us like she had been that I could assume.
I confronted again and she told me the truth. She said she is trying to break it off with him. She says she loves me and wants to have a family with me and does not feel this way with him.
I finally said I have had enough. I told her next time she calls my phone it is either going to be for a divorce or for reconciliation.
Her behavior has been so not her I have really had a hard time even believing that my sweet and formerly down to earth wife could have become such a selfish diva.
Unfortunately in the state we lived in, there is no such thing as "legal separation" Would anyone recommend I send her divorce papers as a way to spur her into action? I have already filled out a "complaint for divorce" form with her as the plaintiff. This way it shows her as the one that wants the divorce. Would it be a bad idea to send it to her?
It seemed like we were so close to working it out until now. When do I reach the point of just being pathetic for holding on in my heart?
I think she has sat on the fence long enough. Time to knock her off it. Tell her you will be seeing a lawyer for a divorce. Tell her she knows how to stop it if she really wants to. Also no more calls on in person conversation about one or the other.
I was wondering how you were doing. Sorry not so well. The rollercoaster is awful. I would advise not sending her divorce papers if you are not ready to go through with it. It's like what Michele said, use the LRT only if you are ready to go through with it. If you are then by all means. But D is such a hard decision and I too have been going back and forth with the decision of what to do. I've actually thought today that I need to seek an attorney to work out separation papers. But I don't think there is such a thing either in my state but we have debt that we need to work out.
Anyway, my only advice may be to try what I've now embark on. Going no contact until she is ready to make a final decision. I don't know if it will save my R, maybe the R is already over. But I did this as a way to save myself and stop the cake eating. My H also tells me he loves me and talks about "us" but makes no effort to work on us while developing a strong R with OW. I will tell you though, it is hard going NC. The withdrawal is hard to fight. It really is like breaking an addiction. Good luck and we're here when you need.
So this is what I have done: I wrote a letter explaining my feelings and that the situation is toxic and frankly turns my stomach. She knows all of that. I Printed up a complaint for divorce and filled it out in her name as if she is the one demanding a divorce. I held on to it all day and at the end of the day I gave it to my step mother.
I am going to move on and try to just remind myself that I have put up with enough crap from her. She used to be so intelligent now she is this lost little girl and when she reaches out for my help because she knows that the real love comes from me, when she is strong enough she vanishes into her little world where she never has to think about anything but making money and when she is with the troglodyte she does not have to think about her real situation.
I do not want a divorce! I want her to clear her confusion and take responsibility for her situation.
I see what she is going through and what her problem is with committing to our marriage. That is easy. I was really not putting in 100% to building a stable family life. I'm workin on myself and that aspect now.
I gave her the choice to dump him or kiss off now because I got her to the point where she told me she loved and needed me and figured. "Hey I like this, but I need more from her" so I think it was the right time to do it.
Now I just need to stick it out. I did not put a time limit on it though.
I wish there were a way to influence her decision without contact.
You guys, I need you here. I need encouragement that saving my marriage is the right thing!!!! My friends and family no longer support this so I don't tell anyone anything anymore.
yeah I know the feeling. My friends and family, even H's family, although they wish we could have worked out have also kind of given up. I feel so uncomfortable now talking with my family about H, forget about even talking about saving my M. They still love my H, i know they do but they are tired of the situation. We're here for you.
Yeap, I wish I could get H to figure things out sooner but I've tried so many things and I know I can't. So I feel kinda lost and unsure of my M as well. Hang in there.
Oh I want to call her today. I have nothing new to say though. She just sent me a copy of our tax returns so I can admit myself to a degree program. No note attached.
