I second that motion, Jon. It may not sound very Christian or even very nice, but to tell you the truth, Amy, I am glad you said all of that to him. He needed to hear it. He should be so ashamed of lying and cheating and trying to hide all of that stuff he bought and taking his children to his GF's house and doing everything he has done. Yes, he needed to hear it from you b/c if anything, you have been too good to him throughout this entire ordeal. I think you gave him a 2x4 right where he deserved it. I just want to add one thing.......you have told him more than once to take care of himself......I don't really see the need to do it anymore, do you? That was a good way to end it and you certainly don't owe him anything. I'm not telling you to be a b*tch to him, but I think you know what I'm saying. You are such a sweetie that you get into a "habit" of telling him to take care of himself (IMHO) and you just need to stop.....LOL. Kind of like I told Tawyna about us saying "I'm sorry" so much.
Frankly, I'm glad you got him told off and maybe letting off that steam will help you move on and heal some more now.
Love, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
{{{Amy}}} I agree and second (third/fifth?) the YOU are awesome, you are gonna be great, and your STBXH is a jerk who doesn't know WHAT the heck he is giving up in you my dear friend!! Love ya!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
{{{Amy}}} Glad you got all that out of your system! You needed to let it go! Feels good to tell him all those things that you have wanted to tell him for so long! Your boys know who has their best interest at heart!
And, here I was feeling just a tad guilty about letting him have it. Thanks once again for the support. Have I mentioned that I love you all?
I'm good today.
After my post yesterday I went back to the office to shut down my computer and get my things. My two girlfriends were hanging out in the office closest to the front door waiting for me. We rehashed it all. They sat with me while I cried some more. They said all the right things! By the end, we were laughing about what a stupid jerk he's being! But, the best thing I heard from them (because they both have been a little frustrated at me for continuing to try to see the good in him and for not expecting the continued lying, etc.), was that they both were "shocked" at the latest developments. So, even though they have thought he was ridiculous from the beginning of this mess, neither of them expected this level of crazy. That was comforting...he is even crazier than they thought! Maybe he has been abducted by an alien.
Had a fun night bowling and playing darts with my very dear friend. She's been there for me the whole time and when I got in the car to head home, she hugged me and said, "We are gonna get through this." I wish everyone could have friends as good as her!
Then I talked to Tawnya who reminded me that life's gonna get better from here (Thanks, Tawnya...love you!). And, then I got home and read all the posts from you guys and talked to another friend and exchanged emails with another friend...and I went to bed thinking, "Wow, Amy, think of all you would have missed out on if H hadn't left!"
Today's a brand new day. My H has officially become my STBXH, and I feel peace with that fact. I honestly do feel that God has plans for me that don't include STBXH (at least right now), and I'm excited about what those might be. I've learned a lot about myself throughout this process. And, I'll continue to learn a lot and to grow. My boys will suffer...they already have. But, they will be made stronger by God's love and my example. I won't let them down!!
We'll go before the judge in 6 to 12 weeks. After that it will take a few weeks to take care of some of the other financial paperwork. This weekend I'm going to look into adding another cell phone to my line, one that S7 can more easily use. That will be the number I give STBXH for his evening calls to the boys.
I also told STBXH that any mail that comes to my house with his name on it after Friday of this week will be shredded. He's had 8 months to take care of getting his address changed. Too bad if he hasn't done it by now. He also keeps a work truck in front of my house that his employee comes by and picks up when he has patients to see. I told him that I'd have it towed next week if it wasn't gone after the weekend. I want him out of my life.
I will continue to pray for him, but he's in way worse shape than even I realized. I can't allow him to weigh me down any longer. I was so hoping to avoid any ugly. And, there's not been much. And, what ugly there has been was totally his fault. I won't feel guilty about it.
As I was reflecting on my speech to him yesterday and rehashing with friends...two things came to mind. When I said that I had loved him with all my heart...I used past tense. That might be the first time I've said "loved" rather than "love." And, my SIL pointed out that it was interesting that he even took my 2nd call. She said that if someone had been hysterically yelling at her and then hung up and called back 3 minutes later she totally would have let that 2nd call go to voicemail. I don't know what it means that he answered. I don't really care. But, it was interesting...actually, she called it "weird."
That's enough about him!!! I'm getting things back on track here...working hard today. Having dinner with friends tonight. Running in the morning. Bible study on Wednesday. Cleaning up the house and painting the utility room Wednesday and Thursday nights. Going to my Grandmother's for Easter, etc., etc., etc. I have so much planned over the next few weeks and months. Summer's almost here, and that's the best time to live where I live. Lot's of activity in the spring and summer.
I hope everyone else is doing well. Any of you who remember LE should stop by and post to him. His thread is in surviving. He doesn't post much anymore, but he's had a major development this past week, and he'd love some encouragement I'm sure.
Hugs and love to all of you!!! I'm so grateful for the friendships I've developed here...don't know what I would have done without y'all!!
Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
I haven't heard a peep from H since the phone calls on Monday. He still hasn't picked up his mail that I've left on my porch nor has he moved the work truck from in front of my house. I started to text him and remind him. But, I decided not to. I don't care really. I did read the notice about the boat. It's a bill for sales tax. They are charging interest everyday after April 1st. I thought, I should text him and let him know. Then, I decided not to. His business is not mine anymore.
It's freeing. The most interesting thing about this week is that I thought I was in a good place emotionally last week...then this week happened and I realized that I wasn't nearly as well off last week as I thought. Now, I'm better off. That means that every step forward in my process will move me even closer to a better place!
So, I'm praying for H. I hope that he can find his way back to a good life. I hope he can be a good father for my boys. But, I'm beyond hoping that he can be a good husband for me. And, I'm okay with that!!
Love you guys much!!! Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
