I am sorry about your feeling so sad. I know how disheartening it is if the WAH does not want to work at the M.
Regarding the job sitch would you still be able to find work if you take off one or two years? Where I live it is difficult to go back to work after such a long period.
Glam, I believe you are looking at the world through very crystal clear glasses and see reality for what it is...maybe it would do you a world of good to sell the home and move somewhere else and start fresh. Any ideas as to where you would like to live? What type of positions are you seeking?
As for your h, maybe it's time to let him go completely and when he sees that you have done so, he just might tell you honestly what he wants. Up to this point, I do not think he's been totally honest w/you about what he wants. He may not be baked up completely, but in some ways, in the back of his mind, maybe he feels that you don't deserve him after all he's put you through. Maybe he's hoping you'll file and then he will not have to deal w/the guilt of doing so himself. One just never knows w/the mlcer and especially one that's 3/4 baked. They test you over and over again and then, some never completely bake up. Your h is close and yet, he's not ready to leave the comfort of the baking pan.
Glam, I believe you are doing the right thing by putting the house on the market. You've been at this a very long time...now it's your turn to do what Glam needs to do in order to make a fresh start, live her life and go on living in today's world. I'm behind you 100% in whatever you need to do to get ahead.
Good luck!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well it's been an interesting turn of events. H's job is done. I do believe this has put him in the deep dark tunnel again. He surfaces now and then, but then gloom and doom lingers over his head.
It's hard to watch my h be this way. I hope that he just dusts himself off and gets exercising and find a new job right away, but he seems to be basking in the depression like the last time he was out of work.
Now as for my job, I survived this round of cuts. Don't know what the future holds for my job, but for now I can continue to collect a paycheck and pay the mortgage.
I will still contemplate putting the house up, but for right this moment I will stay put, until I have a clearer vision. I don't want to make some hasty move.
Thanks Snodderly for stopping by. You are right, we really have NO idea what is in the heads of these mlcers. My h said last night that he has to work through his guff. Whatever that means. His word for his stuff.
Now my xh has been calling trying to get a hold of me. Says something like Glam could you call me back. I am really in a jam and could use your help. I want to ask you a favor. WTF does that sound like. I am not this guys wife any longer nor am I someone he can just count on. Remember I haven't spoken to this guy in 14 years and now he needs a favor from me.
What is it about me. I must have stupid written all over my face that these men think they can just take advantage of me, because I have a good heart and think the best of people.
Not sure what to expect these days!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
GG I dont know..just continue on with your life see what happens on wednesday Is he still in C/meds? maybe he needs to go thru it and all you can do is let him and take care of you peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Hello glam- For those of us who have never experienced a depression like this, it is hard for us to understand. It really seemed that your H was progressing but now his job loss has given him a big setback...we can only hope it is temporary but who knows. It really makes you wonder if our spouses will always be this fragile even if they ever do return. It gives you something to think about.
I'm not sure I have much advice for you. I just want to say that I know how stuck you feel. I know you want M to work, you want to be there for your H but you are so tired of all of this and you want more in your life. I know I keep getting to the point where I just want to be done with all of this. I want a normal life...whatever that is but I just know that isn't what I'm living. For whatever reason, I can't seem to completely let go. I wish I could figure all of this out but I can't at this moment so for now I am just trying to accept that my life is in flux and enjoy the blessings I have in my life. With all that is on your plate, that might be more difficult for you but I believe you can do it and it sounds like you are starting to more in that direction. Do what you can to make yourself happy and what makes you feel in control of your own life. Life is too short to feel like you are on hold.
He gave me a long tight hug and said he was sorry for putting me through this and being so difficult.
Said he needs some time to clear his head. Said he would be over on Wed.
Glam, This is a good sign - that he acknowledges reality. Deep down he knows he's screwed up and needs to be find solutions. If you are able to, give him the space and time he needs to sort himself out.
Don't know what to think about your xH. Maybe call him back to see how you can help. It doesn't mean you have to say "yes". I don't think it has anything to do with "stupid" that he comes to you. He knows that you are a kind and forgiving person but that doesn't mean stupid. Of course, setting healthy boundaries is a good thing to do.
When my Husband was gone I tried to sell our home at my Husband's insistance. He wanted me to move with the kids so that he could be closer to them.
He would spout off directions, and like a good Wifey I would do as I was told so that I wouldn't rock the boat.
For over a year I had the contents in boxes and lived in chaos. I showed my house to whomever was interested and absolutely hated living out of boxes.
He did absolutely nothing to help with the sale of the house and as he lived 3000 miles away had absolutely no clue as to how we were living.
During his 2 1/2 year absence he only made 3 visits home, and each one was for 3-4 days.
Then one day I decided I was sick and tired of living my life in hopes that he may come home and call off the Divorce. I had learned how to detach and although my life was hard, I was actually happy.
I began to unpack the boxes and got my houseback in order. I even repainted some of the rooms in colors that I liked.
I started making plans for my future and I was OK with not taking his calls anymore and not being so available.
As much as I loved him, I was so tired and emotionally spent from all of his MLC-BS and his depression and his wants and his needs.
I got fed up with being on the back burner.
His last visit home I think really worried him. The house was back to normal, the kids and I were making plans and nobody was crying and begging him to stay.
The reason I am sharing this with you is because maybe it is time for you to start making plans for yourself and the children, instead of waiting for him to wake up and rejoin you in reality.
Detach a little more.
Don't be available as often.
((((hugs))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
G, I have suffered with debilitating depression for a long time. As long as your h knows you are there for him and I am sure he does, it really is best to just let him work through it. Talking to him about it really does make it worse. It made me feel anxious whenever anyone would bring it up.
I really do think it is time for you to lovingly distance. Your h really is not in any shape to even think about reconnecting with you.
You cannot take his depression onto your shoulders.
