My story

[pearlharbr]

You have been given a lot of good advice but you don't seem to be following it.

Want to be someone that she'll want to be with? Then your strength has to be someone that is complete and happy on his own (and with his kids); someone that will be fine without her, even if you prefer to be with her.

It's almost certain that her feelings for this other guy have gotten in the way. I think the LRT is the right way to go. But that doesn't just mean that you give her space...it also means that you use this time constructively.

Detatching is doing things for yourself

Detaching is not giving up - it's actually quite the opposite. You can't get where you want to go without detaching. And detaching is a win-win for you. Either way your sitch goes, the detaching will get you to a better place in your life - with or without your spouse.

Look back at what you're focusing on:

I want to save this marriage very badly for all the right reasons.

I have identified the things in me I want to change, but she has not.

My problem is overthinking and worrying about the future. I want this to work; I really do, but she has changed and there is nothing I can do.

Baby steps... I will try not to overanalyze, but maybe this is a positive small step.

Once I get to May 1... as you say I may decide to "go dark". Maybe then she will realize who I am

You are completely wrapped up in doing things to save your marriage, focused on what your W is doing/thinking/feeling.

Any changes you make must be for yourself. Your focus must be on making yourself the best person you can be. You said you realized what you did wrong, what was it? What have you done to fix it?

If you only make changes to save your marriage eventually you will stop doing them if your W returns and you'll be back in the same place.

Stop focusing on your W. You cannot control what she does/thinks/feels. You cannot know what is going on in her mind. This is all wasted energy and will drive you crazy. Focus only on yourself and what you can do to make yourself the best person you can be.