btw, the next time she says that about "breaking my heart," use the validation technique, with a twist:
"I agree; this is very hard on all of us."
or
"I agree -- this must be very traumatic for her."
Basically, you start with the phrase "I agree," but then you either make the following little "truth dart" value-neutral, or sometimes you can even make it a full-on truth dart as to what it is she's doing, but the "I agree" preface softens it.
YOU know your wife better than any of us do. Anticipate what her reactions to each are going to be (to the exposure to OM's wife and the new financial stuff), and how you're going to respond to it. I can help you phrase those if you wish.
