The adventure continues--part 2

[AFWAW]

Had to call her back about switching the water bill to my name--they wouldn't let me do it. She asked me again if I was ok--no, I'm not but I will be eventually was my response. She asked why I was telling her I was ok before. I didn't really have a good response. I asked her if it wasn't for my daughter would she ever talk to me again. She said no, probably not. I said ok, why? She said I don't know and I really don't want to talk about this right now. Ok, I have it at this point--I cannot take the uncertainty in my life, so I asked her whey are we going to talk about this? She said well, daughter said she would spend the night on Friday and Sat, why don't we all go out to eat and talk about it then? Ok, I agreed.

Really at this point, I am ready to be done either way. She can either file or tell me what the deal is and come home. I will either make rank and pcs or I'm retiring and moving if she's not coming home and at this point it doesn't feel like she is based on her comments and actions. I am sick of being depressed and would rather just get it over than delaying the inevitable.

BTW--I asked my daughter if she called my wife back and she said no, she didn't feel like talking to her tonight--ugh, this is not gonna be good for my daughter in the future I'll bet.

[PortlandDad]

Patience.

I can't stress it enough. You really do need to have the patience of Job in this sitch. We guys are hard-wired for action: if we are sitting still waiting for more than 1 minute it seems, we get bored and try to 'force' something to happen. Believe me, this is one sitch where 'forcing' it is counter-productive.

Detach. Detach. Detach.
So easy to say, so hard to do!
Get that ice-water in your veins.
Its water off a duck's back.
PMA.
Don't obsess.
Don't think.

Man, I feel for you so badly. I've been there. Less than two months ago. I felt like I need to DO something, ANYTHING. It was a mistake!

I need some soprano singer to follow me around and sing out
MIIIIIISSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEE! at the top of his girly voice whenever I am about to try and force something with my W. Each time I tried, I ended pushing her further away and damaging my R with her further and further. I started healing when I stopped pushing and stopped focusing on her.

You can do it! Take back the initiative in your R!

[dburt]

What would you like me to say about all of that? It sounds like you are quitting on everything. And that is OK too, but do not say how upset you are about all of it, or maybe you just cannot control your emotions, which surprises me a little bit from where you come from.

Burt

[AFWAW]

Not exactly sure how you can say that but ok. I can be upset if I want, I have just as much right to my emotions as anyone here. I'll post more later when I'm less emotional.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Not exactly sure how you can say that but ok. I can be upset if I want, I have just as much right to my emotions as anyone here.

Yes, you do, but just don't ACT on them, or MAKE DECISIONS based on them right now if you want to try and save your marriage.

You've got to get back into battle mode. And your motivation should be this:

BTW--I asked my daughter if she called my wife back and she said no, she didn't feel like talking to her tonight--ugh, this is not gonna be good for my daughter in the future I'll bet.

,

because I tend to agree with you.

Puppy

[SmileysPerson]

@PortlandDad wrote:

I need some soprano singer to follow me around and sing out
MIIIIIISSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEE! at the top of his girly voice whenever I am about to try and force something with my W.

Aside from the laugh-worthiness, this is such a great image. If I could lock that image into High RAM, I'd be infinitely better off, especially now that the Cold War has apparently returned. Really insightful idea. Excellent.

[AFWAW]

I've done an honest assesment of my sitch and it seemed like the more time we spent together, talking and going on our date and with her over at the house constantly and on the phone, the less inclined she was to follow through with what she is doing. Now, since I've given her space, she seems more determined to go through with her plans and that includes leaving her daughter behind.

It feels like giving her space is not working and she's said it multiple times now--if you had not gone to Iraq, this wouldn't be happening!

I don't know--I guess I'm just frustrated at this point and ready to move on--you know how we military guys are--always wanting action.

[Mellenmack]

LMAO about the military guys always wanting action.

Just checking on you.

Talk to ya later.

Melissa

[AFWAW]

Ok, feeling better. Work is definitely what I needed. The weekends SUCK!!!!! Probably because I have nothing to do and too much time to think.

Well, I'm going to go out on a limb here and disagree with DB tactics based on Portland Dads breakthrough and what may look like my own. The wife called a little bit ago. I let it go to voicemail and then called her back. She said she was thinking about me today and said she missed me and my daughter and was thinking about reconcilliation today and didn't know how she would feel tomorrow.

NOW, I'm not gonna start jumping up and down and start getting all excited like I did last time something good happened. The wife made a list of, I call them "demands". She told me I was going to have a lot of forgiving to do--I told her I would be willing to listen. She said she probably wouldn't want to see my parents, my sister's family or her parents for that matter--she was an equal opportunity hater across the board--I told her that was something we could talk about later--and hey it is, if she doesn't want to see her parents, that's no skin of my nose and hey I can see my parents without my wife, it's not like we live in the same town anyway--so I could probably live with that one. She said she wanted to be taken care of--ok, I was lacking in this department before and I'm man enough to admit it--I told her if she wanted we could sit down and address all concerns on both our parts. She said she had some more thinking to do. At that point, I was at my daughter's daycare and I told her I needed to go. She said ok, give me a call later if you want. So, I'm speculating a little bit but I wanna say that there are probably a few things driving her considering this. The most obvious would be her missing her daughter--duh. Next, probably finances--I'm sure it's no fun having so little money. She might have even been impressed with my financial prowness? The big question is where do I fit into this equation? I don't know but if she's willing to sit down and discuss a reconciliation, I need to get my ducks in a row so I don't look like a babbling idiot.

So, I'm not dogging DB tactics as some of them have worked quite effectively but it seems like the direct approach is appropriate at times as I said before. Do I feel better--you bet. Am I celebrating?--nope, did that prematurely before and had a big fat meltdown. So, I'm gonna chill for tonight and review some of DB and some other self-help books. I keep every posted. PRAY FOR ME PLEASE!

[AFWAW]

I don't know but if she's willing to sit down and discuss a reconciliation, I need to get my ducks in a row so I don't look like a babbling idiot.

I meant if she's willing to sit down and discuss a reconcilliation. Now, I'll actually say that my confidence is up a bit. At least I know she's thinking about the sitch as much or more than I am. That'll help me to sleep tonight. Is that bad?