Healing from a lifetime of self-deprecation

[still hopeful]

fib,

Thank you for your kind words and emotional support. It saddens me that so many people, myself included, are so bad at picking suitable partners and marriage.

I've been told all along, and recently by some friends, that I'll know when it's time to let go and that won't be until the pain exceeds the 'benefit' I recieve from doing this all MY way.

I am getting stronger, as evidenced by my willingness to have the R talk with XW for the first time after three years. I realize that three years isn't a long time for some here, but it's been long enough for me. I gather that reaching that willingness, and exposing myself to the seemingly inevitalbe end of my sitch, IS a step forward for me, and yet, despite that effort, I haven't moved a whole heck of a lot emotionally.

I'll re-iterate what I've come to believe, courtesy of my good friend, which is that XW may not be capable of letting go of her harmed feelings nor desirous of doing so. And where does that leave me and us if she's broken in such a debilitating way and either doesn't recognize it OR does and simply doesn't see it as an issue in need of her attention and repair? In pain and sadness that will subside in time. I understand that only I control my attitude and am responsible for marching purposefully towards being happy, healthy and whole.

I do know that throughout all of my sitch, I've seen MY issues as being in need of both my attention and repair/improvement. I've done that and continue to do so. THAT effort is my gift to me and my children. I get to keep my improvements regardless of what our endgame turns out to be. Should we NOT reconcile, I am confident that I'll grow to accept and heal what IS and she'll lament her unwillingness and/or inability to move through her feelings of hurt/harm to re-build our intimate relationship which is both savable and worthy of being saved. THAT will be a sad time for both of us, but I will be able to look in the mirror and recieve solace from knowing I did everything I could to save US.

Thanks to you, fib, for taking the time to extend yourself to another brother here. Be strong. Do right. Know that you are not alone. Others here cheer your efforts, tanacity and desires, and there are tons here who don't post. You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.