OK I just read through all of your threads. You are doing really GREAT in your position!
You said this in one of your last thread posts: "I think I'm moving much closer to realizing W may have given me a gift as I really release my anger and forgive her (and myself for my role in the death of our M) which will help me move on more fully."
I think this is truly the place you need to be in. And for now, my opinion is that you need to detach completely from the idea that you and your W will reconcile. Notice I said "for now". This doesn't mean doom and glood necessarily, because things could change in the future.
In fact, I'm sure they will change as far as her and OM. They will not work out and when that happens, there might still be a chance for your marriage.
I would not count on it, however. Instead, count on yourself being the best person you can be no matter what happens.
I am so happy you found NMMNG as it appears to apply to your sitch directly. You now have new skills going forward in your life. Your W will notice and has noticed, and she is likely going to rebuild her attraction for you one day at a time.
In the meantime, her affair will deteriorate and eventually, the OM will have lost his lustre.
This process will take a long time however, so I think you are wise to go to attorneys and get something legal worked out. You can't really wait it out as far as finances and child support.
But you *might* be able to wait it out as far as your relationship with her and maybe when she and OM have run their course, you and she can rebuild something.
However, by that point you may want nothing to do with her.
One thing I would like people to understand is that YOUR feelings could change so drastically that you may one day think to yourself "wow, I'm so glad he/she left me, as I actually was not happy but I would not have ever realized it if he/she hadn't left me....would I take him/her back now? NO WAY IN HELL."
It seems impossible that you may feel that way someday, but its not. It actually can happen quite quickly.
