Just missing you guys a little!

[Amy M]

Hey, y'all!!!! Hugs and love to all of you.

And, here I was feeling just a tad guilty about letting him have it. Thanks once again for the support. Have I mentioned that I love you all?

I'm good today.

After my post yesterday I went back to the office to shut down my computer and get my things. My two girlfriends were hanging out in the office closest to the front door waiting for me. We rehashed it all. They sat with me while I cried some more. They said all the right things! By the end, we were laughing about what a stupid jerk he's being! But, the best thing I heard from them (because they both have been a little frustrated at me for continuing to try to see the good in him and for not expecting the continued lying, etc.), was that they both were "shocked" at the latest developments. So, even though they have thought he was ridiculous from the beginning of this mess, neither of them expected this level of crazy. That was comforting...he is even crazier than they thought! Maybe he has been abducted by an alien.

Had a fun night bowling and playing darts with my very dear friend. She's been there for me the whole time and when I got in the car to head home, she hugged me and said, "We are gonna get through this." I wish everyone could have friends as good as her!

Then I talked to Tawnya who reminded me that life's gonna get better from here (Thanks, Tawnya...love you!). And, then I got home and read all the posts from you guys and talked to another friend and exchanged emails with another friend...and I went to bed thinking, "Wow, Amy, think of all you would have missed out on if H hadn't left!"

Today's a brand new day. My H has officially become my STBXH, and I feel peace with that fact. I honestly do feel that God has plans for me that don't include STBXH (at least right now), and I'm excited about what those might be. I've learned a lot about myself throughout this process. And, I'll continue to learn a lot and to grow. My boys will suffer...they already have. But, they will be made stronger by God's love and my example. I won't let them down!!

We'll go before the judge in 6 to 12 weeks. After that it will take a few weeks to take care of some of the other financial paperwork. This weekend I'm going to look into adding another cell phone to my line, one that S7 can more easily use. That will be the number I give STBXH for his evening calls to the boys.

I also told STBXH that any mail that comes to my house with his name on it after Friday of this week will be shredded. He's had 8 months to take care of getting his address changed. Too bad if he hasn't done it by now. He also keeps a work truck in front of my house that his employee comes by and picks up when he has patients to see. I told him that I'd have it towed next week if it wasn't gone after the weekend. I want him out of my life.

I will continue to pray for him, but he's in way worse shape than even I realized. I can't allow him to weigh me down any longer. I was so hoping to avoid any ugly. And, there's not been much. And, what ugly there has been was totally his fault. I won't feel guilty about it.

As I was reflecting on my speech to him yesterday and rehashing with friends...two things came to mind. When I said that I had loved him with all my heart...I used past tense. That might be the first time I've said "loved" rather than "love." And, my SIL pointed out that it was interesting that he even took my 2nd call. She said that if someone had been hysterically yelling at her and then hung up and called back 3 minutes later she totally would have let that 2nd call go to voicemail. I don't know what it means that he answered. I don't really care. But, it was interesting...actually, she called it "weird."

That's enough about him!!! I'm getting things back on track here...working hard today. Having dinner with friends tonight. Running in the morning. Bible study on Wednesday. Cleaning up the house and painting the utility room Wednesday and Thursday nights. Going to my Grandmother's for Easter, etc., etc., etc. I have so much planned over the next few weeks and months. Summer's almost here, and that's the best time to live where I live. Lot's of activity in the spring and summer.

I hope everyone else is doing well. Any of you who remember LE should stop by and post to him. His thread is in surviving. He doesn't post much anymore, but he's had a major development this past week, and he'd love some encouragement I'm sure.

Hugs and love to all of you!!! I'm so grateful for the friendships I've developed here...don't know what I would have done without y'all!!

Amy