When I read about your H's behavior, all I hear is CONTROL, CONTROL, CONTROL. You said it yourself, he's not doing any of these things because he cares about you, he's doing things to manipulate or to get something in return.
What I think YOU need to do, is stop letting him have that control. Assert yourself - be in control of your own life and don't give him the power over you that he is whining for.
First, DO set up your own finances. Take away that threat from his arsenal. Even if you are not completely self-sufficient, take a step in that direction - stop being completely dependent.
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He reminds me that if he leaves that I will sink like a lead ship...
What bull. H isn't what is keeping you afloat, TAL - he's the anchor that is pulling you down. And he's afraid that you'll figure that out one day and sail away without him into the sunset.
Next, do go out with your GF. Who cares if H thinks he is entitled to go? None of H's business, and not even worth arguing about - so don't let him draw you into an argument.
And of COURSE you are entitled to have whatever FB friends you want to. This isn't about you neglecting H - what a load of cr@p. This is about you having access to people to turn to who will build you up rather than tear you down. Once again, your FB friends are none of H's business. Which brings me to this:
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But I am going to delete my fb for db, I can't have him find it, also I will change my name on here.. I have to, to be safe.
The phrase "to be safe" set off alarm bells for me. What did you mean by that? What are you afraid of? Why is your husband making you afraid?
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Rob, doc... no, he's not making me afraid, I just don't want any drama if he were to find anything.
That is exactly why I have to connect with other people, it makes me feel good, and right now he certainly doesn't provide that.
and he is controling. Some days more than others. I think that its when he is feeling insecure, then i take the brunt of his insecurity. He has really no outside friends,just one but is too busy to see him. He is busy running to find work etc. No time for anything else. I get that, but I don't get that time either.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Well yesterday was really hard. We did have contact on the phone, only because we had a big business issue we had to deal with and there was no way around it.
That's what's hard. Even when things are bad, I still have to deal with him on some level where the business is concerned. I can't just drop the ball because this is our livelyhood.
Anyways he came home and didn't really talk other than to talk about business. Nothing else was said. He went to bed early. I took the kids up to bed around 8, he was fast asleep. I heard him get out of bed probably around 3 am or so. I got up this morning, he's gone.
He didn't have any meetings planned for today, or estimates, so god knows where he is, and he as my car. although its better when he's not here, especially right now.
Does anyone know how long it takes for them to approve your "change"
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Don't know Doc, Usually things get better within a day, but that hasn't happend. He really is "out there" Its not typical of him not to try and make nice with me, so maybe he is contiplating leaving. I hope not, but if so, there's really nothing I can do about it. Im scared though.
the change I meant was name change.. db hasn't changed it yet.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
