German wife still foggy

[PortlandDad]

Wow.
Not going to get my hopes up, but I think last night was a breakthrough.

Backstory: My S17 has been having some pretty serious depressive issues lately. I took him to C and was told that he has some classic symptoms of ADD as well as depression. A lot of his depression is due to the family sitch: W used to be his best friend, etc.

Well, last night I took my son driving over at the church parking lot (he is still working on his license) and he confided to me that he had been contemplating suicide. He even told my W that he was "going to do something stupid" two days ago. Naturally my first response was for his welfare and I set to talking to him about it, listening, validating, and so on. We talked for a good two hours and I think things are calmed down there. I am going to get him some more C this week.

After he went to bed, I was feeling drained, but strangely angry at the W. Yesterday she had sent me an e-mail and then called me in the morning to send her the affidavit so she could save some money on her insurance, but she said not a word that S17 had told her anything. In my thinking, she was more interested in saving a few bucks than that our son was thinking of killing himself?

What had the makings of a world-class backslide, and ignoring all prudent DB sense, I wrote her a snide e-mail where I told her that I felt she was wrong for not telling me, that she was being selfish for only thinking about herself and her money and that I believed she was an unfit mother. I was going to erase months of careful DBing, here, I was that angry.

No sooner had I sent it, than she called and she was livid. I was ready though. We hammered back and forth for about 30 minutes. She claimed that she didn't know what "do something stupid" meant, and I reiterated my thoughts that she was being selfish, and unfit.

Then, the dynamics of the argument shifted. The heat evaporated and we started a deep R discussion. She was crying almost continually. She admitted that she was scared that everything would go back to how it used to be if she came home. I told her that our old marriage was over and that she could be party to making a new one, if she wanted. She said that she had caused so much damage that how could I or anyone forgive her. I said forgiveness doesn't come easy, but it starts when we show remorse and a desire to make things right.

After more than an hour discussion, she agreed that she would come home. She said that she needed a few weeks to put her affairs in order (interesting choice of words) and that she would talk to me again in a few days to start going over the details.

I know, don't believe anything until she is here and we are piecing, and this completely flies in the face of DB convention of backing off and not pursuing, not talking R, and everything, but it feels genuine.

I guess I should feel good, but atm I just feel completely drained of life and emotion. Not sleeping all night hasn't helped.