Healing my Heart part 7

[Rob1231]

Hi TAL,

When I read about your H's behavior, all I hear is CONTROL, CONTROL, CONTROL. You said it yourself, he's not doing any of these things because he cares about you, he's doing things to manipulate or to get something in return.

What I think YOU need to do, is stop letting him have that control. Assert yourself - be in control of your own life and don't give him the power over you that he is whining for.

First, DO set up your own finances. Take away that threat from his arsenal. Even if you are not completely self-sufficient, take a step in that direction - stop being completely dependent.

He reminds me that if he leaves that I will sink like a lead ship...

What bull. H isn't what is keeping you afloat, TAL - he's the anchor that is pulling you down. And he's afraid that you'll figure that out one day and sail away without him into the sunset.

Next, do go out with your GF. Who cares if H thinks he is entitled to go? None of H's business, and not even worth arguing about - so don't let him draw you into an argument.

And of COURSE you are entitled to have whatever FB friends you want to. This isn't about you neglecting H - what a load of cr@p. This is about you having access to people to turn to who will build you up rather than tear you down. Once again, your FB friends are none of H's business. Which brings me to this:

But I am going to delete my fb for db, I can't have him find it, also I will change my name on here.. I have to, to be safe.

The phrase "to be safe" set off alarm bells for me. What did you mean by that? What are you afraid of? Why is your husband making you afraid?