D1 was doing good this morning... she had loaded up her diaper so I got to change her at the daycare which was nice and fun.
She was feeling sort of lethargic, so didn't seem enthused much. I think the weather getting colder had her feeling tired, she just sort of rested her head on my shoulder and held on for about 15 minutes before I had to leave for work.
W text-messaged me last night to let me know D1 had taken 2 steps. She never initiates text messaging except when I have D1, so that was unexpected. In any event, there is virtually no communication between us outside of D1.
I have prepared my attorneys with plenty at this point, and have de-intensified my "War Mode" and am allowing myself to feel some of the hurt and emotions. It makes it harder to sleep, and I am feeling sad about the loss of my M. That being said - I have been in this position before, and through perspective was able to realize that going back to what was didn't mean going back to happiness, it meant going back to familiarity.
A lot of things would have to change on both sides for the relationship to be a happy one... I'm just not sure there is going to be a possibility without W getting some sort of help through therapy or whatever is required. And she isn't going to get it voluntarily. She might if she recognizes she is jeopardizing custody by not doing so - but somehow I think she'd rather lose custody than admit she has a problem.
Trying to negotiate with her on anything in the D, even if we were arguing over who gets the coffee table, is like trying to nail Jello to the wall. She refuses to compromise on any issue whatsoever. I'm going to have to fight for every inch of ground, and my priority is D1 and custody. It is a possibility that I can gain that without the D being final.
Sad part is... everything is in my name. House, vehicle, all our marital assets for the most part are at my house, all financial accounts, etc. We aren't a community property state, so she has no hope of anything. No hope of alimony. With the A evidence she might also be paying my attorney fees. Yet she is still bumbling along in the fog, and doesn't realize my case is built. I've got the D taken care of, and I've gotten lined up to go for custody.
Happiness is fleeting... I could never have imagined we'd be here a year ago. From a year ago, we had a baby, her father passed away, she had an affair, I took on a new role helping m.i.l., and then she filed for the D, with m.i.l. joining in.
MIL actually defended OM while attacking me the last time we spoke. To put in perspective:
Me 1. Took time off work to meet with estate lawyers 2. Took time off work to meet with life insurance people 3. Took time off work to meet with financial advisers 4. Took time on weekends to handle debt collection calls
OM 1. Having A with W and breaking up that relationship 2. Costing MIL retirement savings to fund lawyer to fight me 3. Doing all this after her husband just died
Yet MIL was still defending W's choice here... so you see the impossible situation that puts me in.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
