WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 6

[confusedinpa]

The more space you give her now, the sooner she'll be back.

I know I'm not suppose to count down the clock, but she's suppose to move out in less than 2 weeks so she will have all the space she will need. I am really torn about it. If it wasn't for the kids, I would be totally ok with giving her the space to figure things out. That's why I'm struggling so much with her leaving. I think I've detached enough from her to let her go. I just can't bear to think of only seeing my kids 1/2 the time.

Nothing too remarkable this morning. Same routine - wife got ready and then I did the same to go to work. We chatted but not as much as the other mornings, she was still really tired and I'm worried the stomach bug I had last week is coming back. She showed me how brusises from her fall into the recycle bin were progressing. We both wound up downstairs with the kids.

Before she went upstairs, she turned back to me and ask me to crack her back. I've been responding by "Sure, if that's what you want". I then hugged her to crack her back. There wasn't a lot of emotion on it either of us - I didn't try to give her a kiss on the check (partly because I didn't want to).

I just realized that I have to be careful of my response. One of her grips in the past was that when she would tell me her mom could watch the kids so we could go out, I would just say "OK, if that's what you want to do" She said it was hurtful as she thought that I was only doing it because she wanted to go, not because I wanted to go. I explained to her that I was trying to say I love her so much that I would be happy doing whatever she wanted us to do as long as we were together. I guess I wasn't clear nor did she speak up. This is another example of how our communication was just a mess....

I'm actually not sure if I'll miss her. Like I said, I think I'm in a pretty scary place emotionally with my wife. Perhaps she was right, that I really did stop loving her a long time ago but I just thought it was so comfortable, I didn't do anything about it.

I know Coach had said this is the normal flow of emotions that I will go through. I hope the feelings come back for both of us. I do know they won't come back for her as long as she is still feeling angry/hurt. Guess that's where the time and space can be helpful.....