Good morning sweetie! Just have a few moments before getting ready for work. Thanks for asking about my health. I have since found out that there are some other problems that exists, so it is a daily battle just to get up and get moving. Never have a "pain free" day, but if I can just have the energy to do something, I am glad about that.

Enough about me.......I wanted to say that I have not been in your shoes, but being a woman, I think I can try to identify a little bit with what your feelings must be. If you are trying to "outshine" the OW, that must take on a huge task for you b/c I know if it were me.......I probably would blow it many times due to my impatience and anger. However, if we women can see it as a competitive thing just like it was when we were in school or where ever, and we were trying to catch our guy's attention and be the "total woman" for him, then maybe it would give enough energy and patient to keep trying to be better than the OW. I think if you can do that, you will eventually win.

As I have grown (hopefully), I have learned that instead of trying to be "everything" for our guy, we need to do it for ourselves. B/c if we don't like ourselves very much.......that shows through everything we do. I have been amazed at how it can be so obvious in people. I can almost look at a woman and tell if she likes herself or not. Now there are all types of personalities, as you know, and some can cover up better than others......but the ones that are close to her will see the true person. I think that is why Michelle tells us to do our self improvements for "us" and to make them last for "life" or it just does not work. It may get the spouse back for a short time, but I have read many post from people who confessed that that had made changes just to get their spouse back and then they would stop the changes and the trouble started up again. Seems to happen every time.

I don't know how I got off into all of that......maybe I am just rambling this morning..... I know I do have a competitive spirit in me and I think if my H showed any interest in another female that I would work my rear off to be a better person......no, I would work to be the "best" person I could be. B/c I like being a winner! But, let's boil this down some. What if.....let's just say, "what if", he did not chose you over the OW? How would that leave you, sweetie? Would you still be a woman of confidence and dignity? Would you still show what a great personality you had? Would you put all your God given talents to use? Would you apply yourself to whatever each day held? Would you set personal goals for "you" to improve yourself just a little bit more every week?

I could go on and on with that line of thinking, but you get the idea. I learned that this board is not just about trying to bust divorces, but it is about survival. While reading Amy's thread, you have seen that that is what she is learning to do. That is not to say that it has been easy and right now......she is hurting b/c the D is happening, but she has learned to be a fighter for her self and her kids and what life has for them. She is learning that there is "life" in spite of a D. She is having to learn how to "deal" with the OW and the fact that her children are going to OW's house, etc. So, she has a lot on her plate, but if I did not have a lot of confidence in her, I would not have suggested that you read her thread. I think it encourages women to read her thread simply b/c Amy is a "fighter"........not out of a mean and ugly spirit but b/c she has a sweet and good heart and she is determined to get up off her rear and GAL. That is not easy. It is easier to sit at home (especially with children) and feel sorry for one's self.

So, I guess what I'm saying through all this rambling is that I want you to feel great about yourself, honey. I want you to have the attitude (and feel it from your gut) that any man would be stupid to let you slip through his fingers! Maybe I have said all this to you before, if so I apologize, but perhaps it's worth repeating. When we truly feel that we are the best thing that happen to our H's, it will show......not through being arrogant, but in a positive way.....and it will be in a way that will "sell" us to him. We have to believe in ourselves and be sold on "us" before we can sell ourselves to him. Am I making much sense b/c it is kind of early in the morning.....LOL. Hope this does not sound contradicting in what I just told you about improving ourselves for "us" but yet selling ourselves to our H's. I use the term "selling" by meaning......convincing them. Remember, that there will always be OW out there that would like to have your H. They don't care if he is M or not! So, in all reality, we women should have a more competitive spirit than we do and maybe that would keep us from taking our H's for granted and start slipping in some of the areas that we do. Maybe you did not do that, but I know I did b/c I was so sure that MY H would NEVER stray! Well, he never did......but that is not to say he wouldn't.

So you keep "outshining" that OW and any other woman that makes eyes at your H and if he does not have the good sense to know you are the best thing that ever happened to him.......then that is his loss. I'm serious! That has to be your attitude......in a sweet and confident way.... You can do it by showing him how much fun you can be; and by really "listening" to him when he talks and show him you are interested in what he says by looking him right in the eyes when he is talking; and by putting your best foot forward in the tone of voice you use all the way to how loud you may laugh (just an example). Again, we could go on and on with a list about things, but those are just ideas. But, try to take a good hard look at yourself and try to see "you" through his eyes and add up what the results may be. That is hard to do, isn't it? But it may help to know where to start doing "work".....huh?

Some "man" said that all women have the marriage they want. It sounds like something Dr. Phil would say! (LOL) I like Dr. Phil b/c he tells it like it is, but I am still thinking about that statement! It sure puts the ball in our park, doesn't it? I believe it goes back to that competitive spirit and how hard we want to "work" at having a great R with the man we love.

Hope you will excuse my rambling this morning. Perhaps this was for "Sandi" as much or more than Abby.... ;\) I still have to do work, also. I have so much self improvement to do b/c I have slipped a lot and used my health as my "excuse". I have a good H but I know he has to get very weary coming home to "me" every night. Don't become like that, sweetie, and be a woman your H does look forward to coming home to see---and to be with. You go out there and be your own Ms. America! \:D

Make yourself a great day, okay? Good to hear from you. Those baby steps (getting a "hi honey") feels great, doesn't it? Baby steps are like pennies, they may not seem very much but they do add up if you keep collecting them.

Take care and keep the good work up.

Sandi


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!