So we do the DB method of distancing, doing 180's, NOT talking about the A/OP..b/c doing the traditional pushes the MLCer away.
I think I've kept being sucked into my H seeming to be normal and reasonable and I'd switch to the traditional methods. I think b/c of today, my husband seeming truly 'different'/alien that it is MLC I'm dealing with and I just need to deal with all the hurt/suspicion/grief/forgiveness on my own, by myself.
Is that a correct take on this MLC animal?-seems like I thought I had it, but didn't really until now.
KJ, I would agree with your opinion, that we can't think of our spouse as a healthy, functioning adult at this time. I think of DB in some ways like Al-Anon, which helps spouses of alcoholics to cope. We have to learn to adjust our boundaries to allow the spouse to face and work thru their issues, but also not allow their poor choices to harm us.
I heard a quote from my audio podcast "Awakening Through Conflict" with Tara Brach. The quote was from a poet, that we must learn to tolerate the weak and the strong, because each of us will be that person at some point in our lives. I think of my W as weak, but trying to find her voice and strength, thru a combination of misguided and healthy ways.
The work at this stage for the LBS is the establishment of healthy boundaries, yet holding onto compassion. It's compassion from a distance, rather than in partnership, as we would prefer.
I think you're on the right track.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
